The Golden Boys

Chapter 24

I felt absolutely- and instantly- sick to my stomach at the sight before me.
My hands were shaking at my sides.

When I'd dropped the keys a second ago, the... the girl began to stir.
I couldn't deal with this right now.
I turned and ran out of his apartment and back into mine. I shut the door behind me and dead bolted it.
I all but collapsed on my bed and that's when the tears came.
And I let them.

Disbelief was an understatement.
How could he do this? Why would he do this? Is it because I was thousands of miles away when he needed me most? Or had something gone wrong earlier on? Had I missed something? Were there signs?

I wanted to hate Jeff in that moment.
I wanted to feel nothing but disgust.
But all I could feel was the horrible pain of betrayal, worse than anything I'd felt in a very long time.... if ever.

Outside, the rain pelted against my window steadily. It was as if the sky was crying, too.

After awhile, there was a knock at my door. Frantic, fast knocks.
And then, "Heather?"

I continued to lie there motionless, staring at the ceiling through my blurry eyes. The knocking continued.
I let him go on for a good ten minutes before I forced myself to get up.
I took my time walking to the door, and when I opened it I saw exactly what I had expected to see.

Jeff: a pathetic mess.
Red eyes, hair in disarray.

"Can I come in, please?" he asked.

I stepped back into my apartment, allowing him to get out of the hallway. But just barely.

"Heather," he began. "Before you completely shut me out, please just let me explain."

I folded my arms tightly across my chest. "You slept with another woman, I got that. No need to explain."

He shook his head.
"Andy's gone," he stated.
I could tell he was trying another approach.
"I got very drunk last night, trying to get that off my mind. And she.. she came on to me and I was too weak, too 'out of it' to respond properly."

I just stared at him.

"Heather," he said, more desperately.
"Please please forgive me. That back there, what you saw, that wasn't me. That was the result of the stupidest, most fucked up choice I could've ever made." His voice broke at the end.

When I saw the tears slide down Jeff's face, tears of my own began to fall. I wiped them away angrily.

"How could you," was all I managed to get out.

He dropped to his knees and put his face in his hands for a second, then slowly looked up at me- a look of total devastation. But I could still smell the alcohol on his breath, and it disgusted me.

"I don't know, that's the honest truth. I am completely in love with you, Heather. In my right mind, I would never have done this. You know that."

I managed to laugh a short and bitter
laugh.

"We're not teenagers, Jeff. And no one put a gun to your head and made you get that wasted, you idiot.
That was all you."

He nodded, ashamed, and cast his eyes down.

Neither of us spoke for five minutes.
I watched the clock above my kitchen sink.

"How was she?" I asked, breaking the silence. It was one of those questions you know you'd be better off not asking, better off not knowing the answer, but you just can't help it.