I decided to write this to better get my life in perspective. I hope in some small way this post will make me feel just a little better about breathing and continuing onwards. Though I will post no names, only a little bit of my history, and as much of it as I can recall.
I was born in October, 23rd, 1998. My mom and dad both lived in New Jersey at the time. My father was a mechanic, and my mother was a waitress. My mom came to the states in 1993. She was 19 years old and she met my dad when she was 22 and then they got married. My mom got pregnant with my sister when she was 26. My sister was planned, However I was not.
Eventually my mother and father got a divorce. I would live with my mother, and occasionally I would go and live with my father. My mom was prone to violence. Even when she was sober or drunk, that woman had a temper. I remember fearing her and wondering if I would live. My dad worked full time, So I never got to see him really. My sister ran away at the age of 16, leaving just me, my mom and a big empty house. There was no one to cook me dinner. I was a latch key kid I suppose. Damn, looking back I was always picked on at school. I was a pissed off kid back then. Looking back at it now, I remember so many fights. I was picked on because I was different. I've always felt this way. Sorta like I didn't belong. All my clothing came from salvation army and other thrift stores. Nothing ever really fit me, nor did I really have nice things.
Why the hell did bad things happen to me? I didn't ask for all this crap life was tossing at me. Nor did I want it! That anger bursted from me. Angry at everyone.
Here is where I'm at now. I'm 20 and I feel like I'm getting nowhere. In an economic struggle where it's hard to make ends meet. Still, I am breathing, and yet I do not know why? Why do I keep moving forward when I don't have faith that anything is gonna get better? I'm tired of simply surviving, I'm tired of bullshit in my life. Why can't things just go smoothly? Truth be told, I feel as if I am lost, with nothing... I have nothing to drive me but simple dreams. Even those have lost there glimmer.
Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone else feel they are simply surviving?
