Supernatural one shots / imagines

Honestly... • Gabriel

*possible trigger warning*

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Gabriel - Gabriel x Reader

You spent the day with your boyfriend Gabriel. You went downtown together because Gabriel wanted to give you a treat and splashed out on a new dress for you for dinner tonight. You loved the dress, it was perfect, but for some reason you just couldn't show that today. It simply wasn't a good day.

You, too, wished your brain would work differently. Not as complicated, not as sad, not as... weird. You wished you could just be happy at least once in your life.

But every time you felt something like happiness your head started telling you you didn't deserve any of this and you fell back in your mental hole.

„Are you not feeling well?", Gabriel suddenly asked and looked at you completely buffled. „You don't seem really happy with the dress... Should we give it back?"

„No, the dress is fine, Gabe.", you answered. You really didn't want a conversation in that moment. „Let's just... not talk for a while, okay? I'm tired."

„Like always."

His words hit you really hard. He probably meant it sarcastically and wanted to ease the situation but he was right and you knew it. His words cut like a blade. They were so honest and that's why they hurted endlessly.

Gabriel seemed to notice because he suddenly looked at you all serious and whispered:

"I'm sorry."

You shook your head.

"No... I am sorry.", you started slowly but were interrupted quite quickly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you.", Gabriel said. He was grinning though, like he always did, but you saw clearly that his eyes were filled with tears. You couldn't stand watching him being that sad.

„I never meant to hurt you.", he repeated again and swallowed. "I would never do anything that drops your mood on purpose. I was just trying to be funny because you are always so sad and I can't bear seeing you like that. I wish I knew why you sometimes cry even though you've been happy just a few seconds earlier. I would do everything to be able to take your sadness away from you... If I just knew how."

Now the tears in his eyes started to stream down his cheeks. As much as he tried he couldn't hold them back any longer. He never cried in front of you ever before.

Okay, you had to spill the tea now. There was no going back any more.

You took a deep breath.

„I got depression."

It just slipped out of your mouth like that.

„Since years.", you continued explaining, „And that's why I sometimes don't react the way I should. My head is just... disfunctional. It's just as I wasn't even allowed to be happy.

You couldn't even look at him as you finally said it because it was so hard for you to admit. Your voice was trembling because you were so scared. And before this day you never really opened up about your illness. Gabriel was the first one getting to know that about you.

He looked at you, all concerned. You never before saw him that serious. He usually has always been the funny, maybe even a bit crazy - sometimes even filthy - archangel. And now he looked at you like this... What did you just do?

„Why did you never talk to me?", he asked with tears in his eyes.

You swallowed. Your eyes as well felt like you were about to burst out crying in less than a second.

„I was scared, Gabriel...", you raised your eyebrows. You were pretty worried about what he might say next. „I was afraid of your reaction... I just didn't know how to start, as much as I would have wanted to..."

Gabriel walked closer towards you. Between you wasn't even an inch and you could feel his warm breath on your skin. How it comforted you softly and calming. So familiar.

„I love you. Do you know what that means?"

You looked at Gabriel with wide eyes. You had to swallow in order to hold back the tears.

„That means...", he continued and took your face in his hands, „That I won't just stick with you for the good times. I will always be here, no matter what happens, no matter what you have to go through. I might not be able to carry the weight on your shoulders for you but I can carry it with you."

You looked him straight in the eyes and it was like you just stared into some magic light or something because suddenly you realized it all. Gabriel loved you.

Love isn't always about fluff, kisses and movie nights. It's also about pain. That's the thing with love: You let someone in your heart and once they're in they of course get the ability to hurt you.
Letting someone in also means letting someone being able to mess with you. That was the price we all pay for love. But it was worth it.
Because love is also the most pure thing existing on this planet. And that's what Gabriel showed you each and every single day, again and again.

He never used his ability to hurt you. He knew exactly how to break you but he never did.

He was there for you. Always. And he would always be. You knew that now even more than before and you would do the same for him. Whatever life throws in your way you would just take each other's hand and jump right over it. Forever, hand in hand.