Irresistible | jjk

♡ Chapter 31

Jungkook pulls up minutes later. He immediately gets out of the car and he hurries over to me with his jacket, placing it over me. "Are you crazy? You'll catch a cold!" Jungkook says as he rubs my arms fast to try and warm me up. He follows me into the car, tucking me into a blanket before he closes the door and goes to sit in the driver's seat.

He turns the heat up and I can only stare straight ahead. "What happened, baby?" Jungkook takes my hand and he rubs my knuckles with his thumb. I can smell his cologne. I always manage to get slightly lightheaded when I smell him.

Jungkook looks at me before his eyes widen. "Who did this?" He says, his voice is stern. He traces his hand on my cheek and he waits patiently for me to answer. I look down, fidgeting with Jungkook's fingers as he had let go of my hand to check out my bruise.

He is so protective of me, it's like I'm his treasure. It's like I'm this rare diamond that he wants to keep forever and never let go of. I'm not one to love myself —I'm not. Over the years, things have been tough, and there was many times where I thought of just ending it all. I really thought that the day I was going to take my last breath, was soon. Everyday, I thought that. That thought disappeared when I met Jungkook though. While I can't love myself, he can. He can love me and that's more than enough.

Jungkook waits patiently for my answer as he glances at me, not taking his eyes off my cheek and the bruise that my mom so roughly planted on it.

"I had a brother, named Sehun. And as you probably know," I try hard not to cry again. Jungkook has seen me cry so many times —it isn't anything new, but I don't want to seem completely weak to him all of the time. I don't want him to constantly be this column that keeps me from breaking down. Columns can also break if they carry too much weight.

Nothing can make pain go completely away unless you truly let go of it. But it seems like I can't. It's like I'm holding onto the pain on purpose, and I'm afraid it will slowly tear down Jungkook too if I don't let go of my sadness.

When it's Sehun though — I will never not cry.

What happened to him will forever be something that will chase me. The fact that I can't let go of my pain, is because I'm afraid that, once I do — once I forget my pain, I'm afraid that I'll forget Sehun too. I feel guilty when I'm happy because, Sehun is dead, and I shouldn't be happy. Or at least that's what I'm constantly telling myself, or that's what I was telling myself. When I'm with Jungkook I am happy and the guilt hides it's self in the back of my head, and I can freely feel happy without having my guilt eat me away.

"My brother, he is...." It feels so weird to say it out loud. I guess I never accepted the fact that he died. When I have to say it out loud, it becomes real, and it's scary.

"He is dead, he committed suicide." Jungkook's expression radiates with sympathy and I know that he probably knows, but he still waits patiently for my words. It's also like he's scared of what to say or how to react, and I get that. I sure wouldn't have known what to say in a situation like this.

"My parents blame me for his death, and I honestly did too." I say, my voice trembling. "Why??" Jungkook whispers with worry. "Because! I.." I sigh while looking out of the window and keeping my tears from rolling down my heated cheeks. "I wasn't there for him." I let out a shaky breath while letting go of his hand.

"Baby, it wasn't your fault-"

"But I could've talked to him! I could've continued to ask him when he said that he was fine when deep down I knew he wasn't!" I exclaim. "I could've been a better fucking sister! Ugh, why was I so self-centered?!"

It's silent in the car for a while. Jungkook watches me look out the window and at the cold weather. I shake my head while turning my head towards him.