Iron Dad Oneshots (Under Editing)

STEVE ROGERS IS A B.I.C.T.H.

Okay, so I'm in a mood, and I have major writer's block for the one series that I'm currently working on. Also, I asked my grandma if she was in the Illuminati and she started cackling so idk man

The rogue Avengers were pardoned, with the exception that they are kept under the watch of Tony Stark, not that he's happy about that at all. (Heh, Happy. It's 4 am sorry lmao) It was just one of those things that he had to suck up and deal with, which didn't seem to hard until they were all sitting in his living room. His living room where just the night before Peter and him had a movie marathon which ended in a cuddle session, which totally did not make them sleep in and almost make Peter late to school. Not at all. But he can't think of that right now,  not with his ex-teammates, ex-friends, sitting in front of him as if nothing had happened whatsoever. He was stressed, to say the least. 

"So, the rules have changed since you've last resided here," Tony started out. Oh God, hopefully, none of them heard the crack in his voice. He needs a drink, or ten. Wait- no, keep Peter in mind. Tony sucked in a breath to continue.

"So you have the respective floor that you all will be staying on, and this will lead us to rule one; Stay off my floor. Of course, I will not rob you of necessities such as food and toiletries, food will be available on the communal floor, toiletries are in your respective bathrooms. If you see someone on the communal floor, chances are that they're allowed to be there, leave them," Tony asserted. His heart cannot take seeing this lot more than needed. Sam looked like he was going to argue, but a sharp look from the genius had him reeling back into himself.

"Okay, so rule number two; The UN has placed you under house arrest, so you are not to leave this building," Tony glared defiantly at the 'heroes'.

"That's not fair!"

"Tony, don't you think that's a little much?" Steve asked after Clint's outburst. Tony's glare hardened.

"No, in fact, I don't think it's enough, you should have thought about the consequences before you became a war criminal. Rule three; Respect me, the people in the tower, and the tower itself," Everyone was thankfully silent. Tony drank in their razzled looks before continuing.

"Training room is always open, respect the equipment, capiche? capiche, see you later, I have stuff to do," Tony turned and went to walk out.

"What could you possibly have to do?" that was Sam. Tony breathed deeply, trying to compose himself.

"Nothing that concerns any of you," with that, he left.

My tiredness is showing I think. Oh well, MAKE THE CHARACTERS EVEN MORE SAVAGE REEEEEE

*-*-*-*

It was a week after the Avengers had moved into the compound. So far, Tony was nowhere to be found. Tony would rather keep it that way, but when you have a 'starving' teenager in your grasps, you have no choice but to feed them.

"Mr. Stark! It's fine really!" Peter could at least say he tried to deter the man.

"Pete, literally a second ago you were complaining about how you thought you were going to die from hunger," Tony snorted at Peter huff.

"Fine, but at least make it something good," Peter drawled out while bounding 'like a puppy' behind Tony. Tony turned and quickly snatched the kid in a side hug and booped his nose.

"You dare doubt me? I am wounded, kid, really, I am," Peter giggled and turned an interesting shade of red at the nose boop. He squirmed his way out of Tony's arms and ran ahead.

"Right, wounded, I'll keep in mind to tell Ms. Potts that," Peter quipped with a grin as he walked backward. Tony gasped in mock offense.

"You would never!" Tony cried out. Peter simply did a half bow as if saying 'See if you can stop me'.

"Oh that's it," Tony called. Peter let out a totally manly shriek as Tony charged at him. Peter quickly slid into the kitchen, only to stop in his tracks. Tony ran into him and Peter crumpled to the ground in a messy heap of limbs. Tony let out a soft string of curses, his arms outstretched from trying to catch the hazardous child. Tony glanced up and saw the rogues watching them from over a meal they were apparently sharing. Peter shifted so he was laying on his back.

"I think I'm the wounded one now Mr. Stark," he mumbled. Tony rolled his eyes before hauling the teen to his feet with a sharp whispered 'Ignore them'.

"Nah, yours is just physical, easily healed-" a noise of protest from Peter- "mine's emotional, much harder to fix," Tony joked (later, Tony would kick himself for saying that in front of the kid who had no self-preservation whatsoever). Peter easily hauled himself onto the counter and sat there, happily swinging his legs. Tony scoffed before going to fix the kid some food.

"Tony, who is this," both Tony and Peter turned to the voice, Steve. Tony just raised his eyebrows. Peter turned to him with a 'This bitch serious?' face. Tony simply rolled his eyes as a 'Yes, yes he is'.

"This is Peter, my intern. if I hear that any of you disrespect him or question him, I will set his friends after you, oh and of course Rhodey and Pepper, their all really bad," Peter grunted in agreement, thinking about last time Ned and MJ were sicked on someone. It was not pretty. With that, Tony left them gaping like fish as he placed some mashed potatoes in the microwave, along with some wangssssss mmm chikin wings sound good rn. mmmm. Then, he turned to Peter with a random rolled up newspaper that he found and smacked peter with it, who let out an undignified squack before clambering off the counter.

"That's right, stay off my counters," Tony commanded jokingly.

"Ouch, Mr. Stark, my feelings," Peter exasperated. (Yall my friend chased me and I smacked my head against the wall and like, everyone was laughing but I was just like "Guys, my HEAD HURTS U H M") Tony simply tsked before giving Peter his freshly heated food.

"You want an Iron man bandaid?" Tony asked jokingly. Steve started crying.

"Yes plz"

"Not u" Tony grumbled to the old man, STeeve sobbed harder. Natasha patted his back.

"There there," she counsoled. Wanda fell asleep at th holy shit I'm so tired. Uhm I'll prolly finish this when I get sleep lmao. Part two coming ig I think yall know where Imma be starting fromlmaoo