Remember Me (Daryl Dixon)

Chapter Twelve: Suicidal

I am so selfish.
I am seriously the worst sister you could possibly imagine. I was so worried about myself and my own mistakes that I didn't even pay attention to Beth. And now here I was, sitting next to her bed praying she would be better when she woke up.

Beth had attempted suicide. She did it and I was the last to know. I didn't feel anything. I usually felt when something happened to her, but this time I didn't. How could I not feel her trying to die? How could I be so selfish?

I hated myself. I hated myself more than anybody could fathom into words. She could've died. I didn't even recall the last thing I said to her. I didn't even know what our last conversation would've been. The only thing I noticed was her slipping away. Her walk not as perky, her eyes not as bright, and her voice not as kind. She changed and I didn't even ask if she was okay.
I didn't do anything to stop her. Not that I could've stopped her. Maggie was the wisest one out of all of us. If she couldn't stop Beth, I didn't think I could either.

I wiped another tear from my eyes and gripped her hand even tighter. How could you do this Beth? How could you try and leave me like this? I love you.

Dad had given Beth some pills to help her sleep. When they found her, she was hysterical. But the cuts weren't deep enough to take her life. I thanked God for that. I wouldn't be able to survive without her by my side.
She was my other half.

I slowly looked down at the floor and began remembering everything we had done together. Everything we had been through together.

FLASHBACK

"Elizabeth! Elizabeth, where are you?"
I heard my sister's voice and quickly knew which direction I had to go. I didn't know what was going on. I was fucking terrified and none of this made any sense.

These...creatures. Whatever they were, they were after us. They wanted blood. We were attacked on an innocent walk in the woods. Attacked by these people. People? No, they weren't people. They looked as if they were human at one point, but they weren't anymore.

"Beth! Beth, I'm coming," I shouted as I pushed through bushes and bramble. I had to get to my sister, that much I knew. I had to get to her before they did. After pushing through endless trees, I saw my sister in the distance. She was on the hill next to the river where we had been before. But this time she was screaming on the ground. I could faintly see one of the creatures approaching her and I sped up. There was no way anything was going to happen to her on my watch.
I would save her even if it killed me.

With all of my force, I pushed the creature off of the hill and into the water. It almost grabbed me, but I wasn't about to let that happen. "Elizabeth," Beth cried, grasping onto my shirt. Her tears began flooding the cloth and soaking it.
I didn't care, we were safe now..but I now understood what was going on.
The dead were rising.

FLASHBACK ENDS

"Elizabeth?"
I tore my gaze from the floor and quickly looked at Beth. Her eyes were open...and they were bright again.
She still looked weak and pale, but I didn't care. I only cared about the fact that she was okay. I only cared that she was still here, living and breathing.

"Beth," I whimpered out. I was still crying and I couldn't stop it. Seeing her laying there tore me apart. "Beth, how could you do this?"

Beth smiled weakly at me and slowly sat up. I could tell that her wrist was still sore by the way she couldn't lean on it. I felt like a horrible excuse of a human. "I didn't see the point anymore."

How could you not see a point anymore? Me, Maggie, Daddy, Patricia...there was so much to live for.
I bit my lip in an attempt to hold back a sob. "There is always a point in living. Beth, you made it this far for a reason. Whether it's just to keep me sane or to change the world, you made it. Please don't say that."

I felt dozens more tears roll down my cheeks as I stared at her. She was expressionless. Maybe it was the pills or maybe the didn't feel better. I prayed and prayed that she felt better. She had to be better.

"I know. I see that now...I am so sorry. I never wanted to put you through this," she replied in her weak little voice. "I don't know why I felt the way I did."

Thank God. She was better, she was feeling better. I could've done a cartwheel in that moment. The pure joy that filled my body was priceless. Beth was okay.

"I love you, Liz." I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "I love you too. So much," I replied as I wrapped my arms around her. We stayed like that for the longest time. I didn't want to let go of her and she didn't want to lose my comfort. When she opened her eyes, I felt like a little kid on Christmas. Beth was my other half and I couldn't lose her. Ever.\

I would go insane in this world without her. She would probably do the same without me. Beth and I needed each other more than anything. I had always been closer to her than any part of my family. Losing her would be losing myself. Without her, there would be no Elizabeth. She was my rock and I was hers. I was a terrible person for not being there for her, but that would never happen again. I would make sure that she always knew that I would be right there with her.

Beth was going to be okay.
We were all going to be okay.