Remember Me (Daryl Dixon)

Chapter Seventy-Two: Beth's Ghost

This chapter ends the story of how Elizabeth ended up at the hospital.

15 DAYS LATER

"Elizabeth?"
I continued staring at the ground as Rosita's voice invaded my peace and quiet. Well not really quiet. The chatter of the others was ruining that for me. I wanted to move away from them, but I knew Daryl or Carol would force me to come back. They had this idea that I was going to run away from everyone. I had stayed this long, why would I run off now? 15 days was longer than I expected.
"Rick says they're halfway there," Rosita mumbled. "I'll let you know if we hear anything else."

I fixed my eyes on a rock a few feet ahead of me. I really wanted to grab that and bash her head in with it. I wanted to do that to everyone these days. Every voice annoyed me.
I sighed as I heard Rosita shuffle back to where the others were standing. I was thankful that nobody was chatting with me. Ever since Beth, I was just a zombie myself.

Beth was dead, but I was the ghost.

I dreamed about her every night and thought about her everyday. All she did was haunt me everywhere I went. I knew that it wouldn't stop unless I joined her. I was just a ghost haunting my own body.

I allowed my eyes to flutter over to the others just to see what they were doing. Rosita was already looking at me when I gazed over. I growled as I realized she was going to try to talk to me again. I wanted to get up and walk away, but I didn't. I should've.

I felt Rosita's presence stop in front of me and I watched as she outstretched her hand. I wanted to stab myself in the heart as she did so.

"Come on," she said as she waved her hand a little. "Let's go on a walk."
I knew she would just snatch me up if I rejected, so I slowly took her hand as she helped me to my feet. I knew she just wanted to be nice, but I wasn't very open to it. Nothing was nice about this world anymore. I learned that the hard way.

I glanced at Daryl for a second before leaving the others with Rosita by my side. I felt bad for him. I hadn't said a word to him since I pulled a knife on him. I hadn't said a word to anybody, actually. I wasn't even sure if I had a voice anymore.

Rosita and I walked in silence for a few moments, looking at the grass and trees. It was pretty awkward walking with somebody I hardly knew. But I guess she was in the group now. I would have to get used to her eventually.
"I know what you lost back there," Rosita said without looking at me. I wanted to scream at her. She had no idea what I lost back there. Nobody had any clue, not even Maggie. I had been with Beth since we were in the womb together. Nobody could understand what I was going through. I felt like a piece of me was ripped out of my body. "I just want you to know it's okay."

"It's not," I spoke up. I was kind of shocked that I was even talking. My throat even hurt by the simple action that I used to do so easily.
"We've all lost something," Rosita said in a calming voice.

"What's this about? Are you gonna tell me to get over it like everybody else?" I asked in a cocky tone. Abraham had once told me to suck it up and move on. Abraham also got a rock thrown at him.

"No," Rosita said as she stopped walking. "You have every right to shut down. Why would I stop you from doing it?"

I was pretty shocked by her words. She understood my feelings more than anybody else. I was pretty pleased by this. For once I wasn't going to get told that shit happens. I was being treated like a human being.

"I know you'll be okay eventually," Rosita said as she turned to face me. "But stay sad for now. That's how you know you're beating this world. You're still feeling. And I think that's a great thing to do."
I stared over at her for a moment as she spoke. I was kind of touched by how nice she was being to me. She was much more understanding than most of the people here. I appreciated that more than she will ever know.
"And Daryl really loves you," she said as she turned to walk away. "He's hurting just as much as you are. Shut us all out, but don't shut him out."

I watched her walk away to where the others remained. I appreciated her being there, but I still felt the same. I still felt so incredibly empty inside. Nobody could fix that. Not even Daryl. I clenched my fists as I looked down at my arm.

I ran my fingers across the new cuts I had brought upon myself. I know self-harm is so 2006, but it was the only way I could cope with what was happening. I knew there would be some fresh ones later.

I also hadn't heard a word from Negan or his men. Something told me that he was bluffing about everything he said. I was far from where we met anyways. I was no longer concerned about Negan or the Wolves finding me. They were nothing but a memory. I would forever have the W scarred into my back, but I didn't really care. I had much worse scars from other things. They couldn't be fixed either.
Not all of the scars were on the surface. I had plenty inside of me.

Nothing could fix those.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We look not at what can be seen, but we look at what cannot be seen."

I stared down at the small hole that contained Tyreese and felt a pang of sorrow. I thought maybe it would end with Beth. I had hope that we wouldn't lose anymore people. I was completely wrong. It didn't end with her and it wasn't going to end with Tyreese either.
Death was going to find us no matter what we did.

"For what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal."
I watched Glenn toss the shovel down and look over at Sasha. She could hardly stand through the funeral. I could hardly stand being there.

"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made from hands, eternal in the heavens."

I tensed up as Daryl slowly passed the shovel to me. I knew we were all supposed to put dirt on him, but I refused to. He remained emotionless as he handed the shovel to Sasha instead. Her face was full of disbelief as she stared down at her brothers body. I shook my head at the sight of all of this.
Daryl looked over at me and I glanced at him.
I wanted to hug him. I wanted to be with him, but I knew I couldn't.
I walked away.