Remember Me (Daryl Dixon)

Chapter Nine: Tremble

Wait, where am I? Home is that way, right? No...no. It's that way. It has to be that way.
Or maybe it's that way? Or maybe I should drink some more and just stumble into a horde of zombies.
Yes, drinking is a good idea. Nobody has even noticed I'm gone, maybe I should just stay gone.
I pressed the bottle to my lips once more and gulped down the burning liquid.

I knew it wasn't helping my sense of direction, but it was helping me forget watching my family get taken away again.
I had left the house hours ago and it was now dark. Daddy was gone, so I didn't have to worry about him freaking out.
Beth was too upset and I knew she wouldn't be thinking about me. Would anybody be thinking about me?
Dad didn't know about my hidden alcohol. I had saved bottles of vodka for hard times like this. I knew that leaving and getting drunk was stupid, but I didn't care what happened to me,

I didn't care if I was killed. That's why I was alive, right? That's why I survived? Just to get hurt and killed.
Just to lose everything that I ever loved.
Just to exist with no purpose at all.

As I gazed down at the pavement covering the road, I heard a twig snap behind me.
I knew it was a walker; Nobody cared enough to come look for me, so I knew it just had to be a walker.
I smiled after a moment and didn't move an inch when I heard another twig snap. I'm ready. Come and get me.
"Elizabeth?"

I spun around to see Daryl standing in front of me. A frown quickly replaced my smile once I saw his face. Oh, great. You're here. You're always here.
"Go away," I replied in a slurred voice. I took the last gulp from the bottle and tossed it behind me. I heard a shatter and continued staring at Daryl. What do you want? Just disappear.
"I think you need to come on back," he said as he watched my every move. Come on back? Why don't you just go on back?
"Why?" I demanded. What purpose was there to go back? What was I going back to?
"Because your family is waiting for you."

"My family? My family is dead. My family is dead because of all of you."
Daryl scoffed at me and I could feel his rude side about to come out and play. "They were already dead. You're just too stupid to see that. They ain't alive. Never was. And you ain't gonna be alive if you don't come back with me."
"Come back? Why, Daryl? Yeah, my family is there. But I don't want to be there. I don't want to be here. I should be dead. I shouldn't be alive right now. We're only alive to get hurt and die now. There is no purpose. You don't get to come back," I said in a shouting voice. I could tell that Daryl wanted to hit me. Daryl wanted to hit everybody, but he didn't. He didn't yell back or call me stupid again. He simply talked to me in a calm, gentle voice. "I get it. I've lost things too, but you don't see me bitchin' and moanin' about it. You gotta pick yourself up and come back with me. I ain't gonna leave without you."

I wanted to argue and protest, but I knew that he wouldn't go. Maybe he was right. Maybe things would get better for me. I mean, I couldn't leave Beth, could I? She needed me. Daddy needed me.
"Okay," I simply said.

The walk back to the farm was mostly quiet with the occasional sound of our footsteps.
I wanted to speak, but I didn't know what to say. My brain wasn't exactly working in my favor either. The alcohol had impaired my thinking and apparently my walking as well. I lost count of how many times Daryl had to save me from falling on my face.
When we arrived at the farm, I knew that daddy wasn't back yet. I also knew that I couldn't come home in the state I was in. Maggie would freak out and tell daddy right when she saw him. I knew that Beth wouldn't, but there was no way that I could sneak past Maggie. I knew that I would've made way too much noise.

"Wait," I said as we began walking up to the house. Daryl stopped in his tracks and faced me. He had an irritated and confused look on his face.
"I don't want anybody to see me like this. Maggie would kill me," I said with a pleading look on my face.

"Ain't nothing I can do about it," he replied.

"I can't just stay in someone's tent? It's either that or I sleep in the field. Make your pick, Daryl."
Daryl chewed his lip for a moment and began looking from tent to tent. I knew that everybody was asleep, so I didn't know how this would work out. After a few seconds of observing the area, Daryl let out a sigh and began walking towards his tent.

I thought he was just gonna ignore me and go to sleep for a second when he made this move. There I was, standing there awkwardly while he was about to snooze. Looks like it's the field, Elizabeth.
"You're crashing with me. Now, get in before someone sees you."

THREE HOURS LATER

My eyes slowly opened to find darkness. The only thing I could make out was Daryl's back facing me and the only thing I could feel was the nausea in the pit of my stomach. My head ached, but I ignored it. I knew that I hadn't been asleep very long. There was no light in the sky, only the moonlight shone. I regretted drinking and I regretted the things I had said.
How could I be so selfish?

Beth needed me, dad needed me, Maggie needed me, Patricia needed me. How could I contemplate suicide when I had my family to worry about? Sure, I wasn't much, but they needed me in a time and place like this. And I needed them. I needed them more than anything.

Then Daryl came to my mind. If it wasn't for him, I would be dead. If he hadn't have found me, God knows what would've became of me. I would be a walkers meal right now.
I stared at his back and my eyes lingered upon scars. I couldn't tell exactly what they were from, but I had two conclusions. He had been beat or in a nasty knife fight. Even though I knew better, my fingers slowly touched them.

I traced the scars on his back while praying I wouldn't wake him. As I touched them, I felt his sorrow. I felt all of the pain that he endured over the years. I knew he saw me as something that would slow him down, but I saw him as more. I wanted him to care for once. I wanted him to stop acting like he didn't care about anything. He had showed that he partially cared by saving my life, but he didn't care enough to stop Shane. After a few moments of tracing them and biting my lip, I felt Daryl tense up.
He's awake. He's been awake.

I slowly pulled my hand away and held my breath. If he's been awake, he's felt me touching him. Why was he ignoring it?
And to my utter surprise, Daryl turned over and looked at me Just really looked at me. As we gazed at each other, I felt butterflies whirling around in my stomach. I felt my heartbeat speed up and shake my body.
After a few moments of this, the most unexpected thing happened. At the exact same time, we both moved forward and our lips crashed together. Do you know how some people claim that the first kiss is supposed to send fireworks through your body? I never felt that until that very moment.

Nothing else happened that night. We just simply shared a kiss in the most innocent of ways.
And after that, we stayed silent. Daryl fell asleep, but I laid there awake for hours.
Awake and alone with my thoughts.