Consumed By You |Shawn Mendes|

Theres Nothing Holding Me Back

Few Days Later.

Tonight is the last night of us being in Paris and Shawn decided to surprise me by taking me back to the first place we ever met.

The Eiffel Tower.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I asked in a hushed tone as we got out of the Uber and ran past the carousel.

"Babe. Relax live a little? It's our last night and I know we haven't been able to do much." He said pulling me as he started to run up some stairs.

This began to feel a lot like the video to There's nothing holding me back.

"Are we like recreating your video?" I teased as we got to the top of the stares and I looked back at the tower like he did in the video.

He stopped and turned to watch me laughing.

"No, but now that you mention it" He said looking around and smiling.

He led me to a corner of the top of the steps and turned me around to look at the beautiful view of the tower that was a cross from us.

"Wow." Was all I could say as I laid my eyes on the beautiful sight in front of me.

It was truly breathtaking at night, the way the lights gleamed off the structure all gold lights and yellows meeting together.

"It's beautiful." I whispered just taking this moment all in. I felt Shawn wrap his self around me and he rest his cheek against mine.

"I wanted to just show you a much better view. I know this was a place you dreamed of with your mum." He whispered at me as he kissed my temple.

I felt the tears escaping my eyes and I sniffed to try to stop myself.

"You remember. I miss her, this was supposed to be our thing." My voice cracking a little as I tried to control the lump in my throat.

"I know babe. But at least you get to be here twice. Once for her and now for yourself." He said holding me tighter in his arms.

I felt the walls breaking around his arms, I felt like he was washing over all the darkness and hurt I hid buried inside me, the walls I built all these years to try to compose the broken fragile girl that was motherless. Time was supposed to heal me, but I haven't done much healing. It was more of me masking everything till it became like second skin for me.

Nobody ever cared to much to try to see past my hurt and see me and all the baggage I had that had nothing to do with anyone but everything to do with who I had become as a person.

Scared, hurt, terrified of life, love and everything in between. I never wanted to feel how I felt everyday or show that emotion.

But here I am in Paris with a singer who I idolized. Who helped me get through some really tough times with his music, his lyrics, his passion and him as a person.

He saw me in the crowd of millions.

Why I didn't know. But here I am now with him and he brought me to my favorite place and he only knows this because he heard me when I would speak of my mother the few times I did.

Why?

"Come back to me babe." He whispered as he squeezed my waist to bring me back from my own thoughts.

I felt the rush of tears come down and I didn't want to hide them anymore.

Not from him,

Not from myself,

Or the world.

This was my breaking point.

I turned to face him, eyes filled with tears and my heart literally on my sleeve.

"I'm a mess. I miss my mom everyday. Do you know what it feels like to live on earth without a single parent to run to when the world gets to hard for you? You know what it was to have to raise myself when all I knew was me and my mom. She was my best friend, she was my world, my everything, my light. So when she died I saw that light not only leave her body but a huge part of me died with her to. I was left on my own in this big world, alone. All alone. I felt unbreakable with her by my side so the moment I was torn away from her, I didn't no what to do. Hell I still don't. So I walled everything up and I'm everything I pretend to be never fully me. I'm barely hanging on, so I clung on to your music and it was everything I needed, it spoke to me for me when I couldn't or didn't want to. I could never picture in a million years that I would be standing here in Paris with you like this. It scared me to death, it feels like a dream and I'm just waiting to be woken up." I sobbed never breaking our eyes away.

I felt like I might crumble and and I wanted to run after everything I said to him, I felt bare and I felt exposed on a whole new level with him. A level i never shared with anyone since my mom passed.

He looked sad for me, his eyes got glossy but he didn't break his eyes away from me. He reached for my cheek as tears fell and he caught them wiping them away.

"Yvette, your worth it. Everything you just said to me it just shows me that your human and your not a robot and through all your facades your strong but you let me see the girl behind all that. You. I see you baby. I'm sorry I don't know how that feels to lose a parent or the only parent you ever knew, I can't even begin to imagine what a hole that leaves inside of you. But i can only hope that one day you find something or someone that can help you keep living the life she would want you to live, that you deserve. You Deserve love, joy, and happiness always Yvette, just from what you described to me before about your mother she would want you to live out your biggest dreams and have no regrets." Shawn said placing his palm to my cheek and caressing my jaw guiding me to look at him.

"Thank you Shawn. For everything. For this, for listening to me, being here with me right now and not running for the hills, yet." I said wiping tears away and hugging him.

He held me tightly.

Something about this felt different.

He held me with such care, and fear?

"I'm here Yvette." He said kissing my forehead.

I closed my eyes to capture this moment in my mind forever.

We stood like this for what felt like forever and I didn't want to leave.

He wasn't Shawn Mendes the pop star anymore, he was just Shawn Mendes the guy I bared my soul too.

"Why aren't you running?" I asked while still resting my head on his chest taking in his cologne.

He let out a small sigh before speaking.

"Because this is where I'm supposed to be Yvette, and I can't imagine being anywhere else."