StoryTeller - PerthSaint Collections

SELF ACCUSAL 02

[A/N before we continue let me remind you that this is a very disturbing chapter. however, the lesson it brings at the end is truly amazing. I am a witness of suicidal tendencies. It scary and it happens. the effect on each person differs. I suggest you open your heart and mind. the ending is all worth it. <3 I love you] 

Chapter 2~ Finale

Saint couldn't exactly remember what were the feelings he felt the minute he opened his eyes. Expecting hell but was welcomed by a pair slanted happy eyes filled with tears staring back at him. He weakly shook his head knowing that he doesn't even deserve those tears and those stares. Saint felt himself pulling his left hand away from the tight grip on his bedside but felt him holding to it even tighter.

"No! Why am I alive? Please... let me go! Please... I don't deserve to live" He shook in fear and resentment, looking away from the pair of eyes who he have caused so much pain. Looking at him just made him think of all the hateful things that he did. As his conscience ate him up, his body responded and convulsed as he screamed in pain, not really knowing exactly where the pain was coming from.

"Baby please calm down"

Perth panicked pressing the emergency button as he tried to make his lover calm. Restraining him from moving further. It breaks his heart seeing him being like that. He had been with him, beside his unconscious body for the past two weeks. How he regretted and hated himself for being weak and leaving him just like that. He could have been more patient and understanding. He could have given him another forgiveness that he has been giving the other for years now.

He stepped back reluctantly as he was shoved aside by the doctors and nurses that attended to Saint. He watched them inserting more tubes and needles into his as the latter fell unconscious on his bed again. He can't help but cry as he watched his almost lifeless body being tagged around.

"Nong" one assuring pat on his shoulder from Mark made him fell on his knees as he felt himself bawling on the floor. It was after all his fault. If he didn't cheat on him that night, if he just didn't drink too much that night, and if he just said no to that flirting dancer....

"This was all my fault! I could have been more patient with him" He mumbled through his clenching jaw. It was one of the reason why he can't make himself to leave him, that and the fact that he loves Saint deeply, with all his heart and mind. He loves him. He was given a chance to prove that what happened was a mistake. But he have failed him, he got all fed up and broke up with Saint. He left him with nothing but bitter memories that Saint and himself created.

—-

It took him enough effort that time to drag himself out of his hospital room, telling himself that it will probably take Saint another three days to wake up, with that in mind he reluctantly dragged himself to buy some coffee that will somehow help him not fall into his own slumber. He wanted to be there if he wakes up again.

The fear of not seeing Saint once again smile for him made Perth cringed. Never did he blamed him for their failed relationship, not once did he hated Saint for cheating on him. He was hurt, that indeed was a fact but never did Perth blamed the other for anything. But that one time when he finally gave up was the only time where him and Saint finally had the chance to talked about what really was going on

"Don't you dare tell me what's right from wrong Perth! No, don't you even dare tell me of about how hurt you are because you made me this way!"

It was that night, their supposedly anniversary that Perth prepared for both of them. Their secret bridge, the only witness to their used to be undying love when he just debuted as one actor from the attractor team and Saint was still a nobody. It was the place where both of their dreams were realized and both of their feelings were still on their truest form of LOVE.