When daddy left

complicated

                Y'vania's POV
             
How I missed this place only to come and find things all different. It's true when they say leaving home is the hardest thing one faces. Things might never be the same again. 

They aren't.

It feels so empty without Mia around us. I miss her funny jokes I miss how she sits Nisha and I down to real life talks and how I made fun of it at first but later came to realize that all she says is true.
The afternoon was so warm and different from the others ever since I set foot back home. Everyone seemed happy. Even the waiters at our favorite dinner seemed to be pleased by the warmth in today's weather or maybe it was the happy couple that sat across Nisha and I.

"Don't be sad Nisha accept everything and move on  what happened shouldn't tear the two of you apart. Apart from any friends I know Y'vania is the closest of them all she's your sister and your best friend too I've seen it all my life I don't want it to change."

I've never seen Nisha so serious in her life maybe she does in class but am not there to see her.

"Y'vania me not being around all the time doesn't mean things should change it's still Mia the big sister I can decide to slap you from wherever I am don't do anything silly take good care of yourself and mummy and Baby Bop they need you. Speak up whenever something happens."

I'm yet trying to picture my sister all grown up and married.

Know what?

Being simple helps a lot. Fact.

I don't know how simple is made or what it's made of but one thing I know, simple's ending is always good and simple. Well the other part is where I lie.

See our stories are more complicated and never have an ending they just go on and on torturing us on the way and if we're lucky enough we reach the finishing line panting and heaving having left our goals far much behind I think somewhere in the middle of it all. Turning back to what's ours proves so difficult and risky that we go on dragging our sore feet and heads hung low towards nothingness and lick our wounds in the dark.

Complicated has you doing something but not knowing that you're doing it.
It has you deciding to figure yourself out but not knowing how to because you don't even know what's wrong.
It has you regretting when you've done the right thing.
It has you going for what you deserve but judging yourself at the end feeling like you don't fit in for anything.

Complicated has me sitting on  this rusty twenty five year old swing set blaming myself, judging myself and asking myself why I spent the night with Anthony yesterday. Why am going back to the same hole I barely escaped life in. Why I am investing all my trust into something that am not sure of. How I am so stupid and stupid and stupid and weak oh and stupid for letting him touch me again. Complicated has made me a sucker for happy moments with the wrong person.

"Okay now details. Where'd you go to yesterday. I saw you leaving with Anthony."

"Nisha. Me leaving at that point was a very nice decision. Who knows I might've murdered someone?"

"So I guess the rest of the evening went.." She wiggles her brows smiling mischievously.

" Nisha stop. When did you start talking about adult stuff?"

"Oh I forgot am the baby here but I know stuff and from the look on your face Anthony did the right thing." She says jokingly.

"Look its not like..okay it's true I missed him and I needed closure and I was so st-"

"Hey hey hey it's okay Y'vania you did nothing wrong. Maybe it'd be wrong when mummy finds out which she won't because I told her you spent the night at Lilly's so don't worry about it for now. Let's celebrate our reunion with food. Let's go eat stuff while you tell me how everything was."

"Nisha let me tell you something first before we start eating stuff because you won't listen to me then."
She sits back on the other swing beside mine.

"Okay but promise me you're going to tell me everything from the point you found out you were having a baby." I nod in agreement.

"Nisha at first I didn't even know what I was doing I just couldn't control my emotions towards him. Anthony had this strong hold on me I just spent the night then realized later on that I was late on my period but blamed it on Aplastic anaemia at that stage it had tampered with everything in my system. All the pregnancy signs I blamed on the illness so you see I was in the dark. That day when I woke up from the comma a doctor told me that my baby was okay and I thought he was joking I remember asking him if he'd gone nuts but he insisted on the baby part. That's when it dawned on me that we didn't use protection that night and all those weird signs were all about the baby."

"How old was it when you lost it." Nisha asks softly I almost don't get her words.

"Five months. Actually a few days to the sixth month I was going to have a boy and I used to feel him kicking every day and I'd be so happy when he did. I was so glad no one noticed the growing size of my tummy but one time I think abuela noticed it. She bumped into me and my hand flew to my tummy like I was protecting my baby and she gave me this weird look I swear I thought the world was coming to an end but luckily mummy came in and distracted her mama. Oh you remember the day Mia brought me that hot pink dress and I totally refused to try it on? It's not because of the colour that thing would've shown the baby bump and I was so against it. When I went to LA I started feeling dizzy nauseous and this mild abdomen pains I couldn't eat much then days later I felt so weak I couldn't get out of bed so I just stayed there I think Javi and Danny came in when they realised I wouldn't go downstairs. They said they found me unconscious they thought I was pranking them. I woke up ten days after and they had torn me open and took the baby out. He was already dead when they did."

Nisha was crying. Fat rolls of tears kept on streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry Y'vania mummy, Mia and I thought you were a bad person but all that pain ..it's..am sorry it must've been painful."

"Maybe. I grew numb to the pain although it still haunts me sometimes especially when I look at this scar on my tummy and think of how it would have been if he didn't die."

"Were you planning on telling us about it. What were you going to do with the baby are you like going to give him a name and start buying him stuff."

Was I really going to keep him, give him a name, plan for his arrival? Not really I had really mean plans I was going to give him away and deny him the chance to know his real parents. Maybe he would've turned up twenty years later looking for me  and Anthony...

"It's okay I knew I shouldn't have asked."

"Oh I..it's okay Nisha you know what? Let's go eat stuff and I wasn't planning anything I was going to give him up for adoption after telling all of you about it."

"You think mummy would've allowed  you giving a baby up for adoption? Yes she would've killed you then grab the baby and bring him home and force you to feed him."

"But I would've been dead Nisha."

Both of us laugh and the old swing creaks loudly.

"Oh I think that means we should get going." Nisha says amid laughter I  climb off the swing.

A/N:

Heey guys what do you think of my story? Hit the vote box below....epilogue coming soon. Love y'all. Bye