You Don't Know..What you Don't Know

Chapter Twenty-Three: Winter- Freshmen Year

We came back on Sunday morning from the beach and I am in veg mode.  Binge watching the Vampire Diaries is not the same without the Boys.  My depression is real. My walls are lovely to sit and stare at and that is all the energy I can muster.  It's raining outside and it suits my mood. In my windbreaker, I head to sit on the back deck.  Sitting in the rain is soothing and is washing my hurt away. 

My family thinks I'm crazy. My mom gave up an hour ago trying to make me come in. Jim came out to ask me if I'm alright at least a thousand times. To make them stop worrying, I go back inside. Drying my hair, I head to the theater room to watch Scarlett, the sequel to Gone with the Wind.  Of course, I am in the chair Torri slept in. Somehow, I feel closer to him and it gives me a little comfort.

How did Randy get under my skin? My brain flashes through all the moments we shared.  The football game,
Homecoming, lunches, stolen kisses, the way his arms wrap tight around me. He charmed his way in.  The worst part is he was never really there. Tammy was in the background the whole time.  My God this hurts. Stop Tia. Don't think anymore. What did she have I didn't? Well Tia, she's older, more experienced and his kind of fun. He never pressured me into anything more than kissing.  Tammy, I bet she is ready for anything. 

You are boring, normal and a Sandra Dee. But Sandra Dee changes at the end. Do I want to change? I thought I changed. This new me is halfway in between beginning Sandy and ending Sandy. Not quite innocent but not totally sensual yet.

My phone buzzes and I glance at the message. Jake. I can't bring myself to be cheered up by any of my friends so I turn off the phone and put it back in the cup holder. The bad thing is I want to own this depression.  At least it makes me numb to the pain. I fall asleep downstairs to Scarlett winning Rhett back.

The next day at school the Boys meet me at the car. They pull the door open before I stand up, "Tia, we tried to text and call you all day yesterday. Did you hear yet?" Gary shouts and pulls me through the door. My phone must still be off.  Oh well...

"Guys, I've been out of town remember." I try to walk through them.

Jake turns me to face him,"Tia, Randy is gone."

My world went black. "Gone." I manage in a whisper.

"Him and Tammy ran away Friday night. The Home put an arrest warrant out on him for parole violation.  They found him yesterday and hauled him off to juvie. He is gone." Jake grabs me by the shoulders.

I need to sit down. I make it to the bench outside the First Hall. Gone.. Gone... Never see him again..Gone... Stupid dumb ass. Why in the hell would he do something so stupid? Getting up, I walk away from the boys. They are shouting something.  I can't hear them. All I hear is Gone...He's gone. My heart hurts so bad.  There is so much pain.  I blank out all day.  How I made it to lunch I will never know. The crew is under my tree but I can't. Gone..He is gone.. before I realize it I am at the back of the Gym.  I dumped my lunch in the trash can along the way.  Gone...He's Gone.

Since the boys won state, practice consists of talking about the celebration party.  He's gone. I will never see him again.  Gone..

The days move by slowly after Gary and Jake destroyed my world.  I am in a self inflicted isolation until the day we are released for Christmas break.

Jim and Ty stop at a gas station and I am in the back seat when I spot Tammy coming out of the door.  In an instant, I see red.  Walking over to her, I put my face right up to hers, "You stupid bitch. Did you need to screw him that bad you were willing to lose him?" I spit. 

She is taken off guard but quickly recovers, "You finally figured out why he left you. Guys like Randy only play with Virgins like you. He has needs only I can fill."