Save Me Break Me || MYG

I can't...

She meant the world to me.

If I had not plucked up the courage to tell her how I truly felt for her, how much I love her, that I'd give her my all, she would have walked out the door, and I would've lost her.

But tonight was a different story. At this moment every bit of confidence I possess seemed to have dissipated, gone with the wind.

I was satisfied with holding hands, or warm embraces, or sweet innocent kisses. I dared not do anything that's too much for her, my respect for her always put on top of our relationship. She's too pure and innocent, too precious to be seduced to into lustful desires. I set aside whatever selfish, twisted intentions I had because I JUST LOVE HER TOO MUCH!

But right now, all attempts to protect her from my dangerous self seemed futile. I cannot remember how we ended up like this, with her laid on my bed beneath me, taking my breath away. Her hands intertwined with mine on either sided of her head, keeping her trapped. The way she stared straight into my eyes turned my calm heart into an erratic one, commanding my body to act on its own. I lowered myself, molding my lips to hers tenderly. Her sweetness was so intoxicating, it was impossible to stop. Her thighs slowly parting, making room to accommodate me.

Her gorgeous face... Those sweet lips made for me to kiss, that cute little nose scrunching whenever she's shy, her flushed cheeks that I love to pinch when she's being adorable, her slender frame that hides a broken but strong soul, her peculiar but beautiful mind...

Above all, her gray eyes, her biggest traitors. Those stunning orbs that give her away. They speak of her innermost thoughts, no matter how hard her words try to conceal her emotions, her eyes reflect the truest feelings.

The butterflies in my stomach have gone on a rampage, and my heart was beating wildly trying to break through my ribcage.

She offered herself willingly, saying she trusts me, which only added to my panicked state.

Trust. It entails huge responsibility.

Oh Mia! Why must you torture me this way?

What if i hurt her? What if I make her umcomfortable? What if I reawaken her nightmares? What if I make her regret this because I was too eager to finally claim her for myself? I was petrified.

I know she's scared too, but she's putting on a brave face because she wants to please me, to give her everything to me just to prove she loves me. But I can see it in her eyes that she's struggling to overcome her fear that's been consuming, and it is all for me.

With hands trembling, I struggled to undo each button of her blouse, silently wishing for her to change her mind to delay the inevitable. She waited patiently as I undress her at a painstakingly slow pace, my palms sweating profusely. Internally, I was dying.

Her breasts... The roundness, fullness created by her lace bra cupping them tightly, the uneven rise and fall of her breathing making the delicious flesh jiggle softly clouded my sense of righteousness, hurling my sanity into oblivion. I was spellbound.

As if she could see right through me, she guided my trembling hands to her still clothed breasts. Her body was quivering under my touch. With one shakey breath, she uttered these words that drove me out of my mind.

"I want to do this, I'm in love with you, Yoongi. I'm yours..."

Oh Sweet Mother of God, what do I do now?!

I wanted to give it to her, damn, I want to chase away her fears, I want to love her this way.

Please give me the strength to overcome this ordeal or just kill me now...

I will not deny, I did fantasize about Mia. I did have lewd, dirty thoughts, dying to touch her and give her all the pleasures a man can give, I mean who would not? She's a goddess! Everything about her is just so deliciously desirable and irresistable.

I was at the last button of the blouse when my fingers brushed against a familiar long scar right above her navel, then vivid memories suddenly flashed before my eyes...

Mia's frightened state, her gray orbs drowning in tears, sobbing painfully as she pleaded for her to be spared...

"Please don't do this..."

I let her go and sat up, burying my face in my hands in an attempt to shake off the horrid images in my mind.

"Oh God... I'm so sorry, baby," I wept.

Mia wrapped her arms around me, trying to calm me. I think she understood why.

How was I supposed to free her from her monsters if I can't deal with my own hell?

~~~~^~~~~

I wish I could stop the earth from revolving, the hands of time from ticking, the sun from rising and setting...

I wish I took the opportunity to take her with me and run away...

Because life as a teen, as most of thought at the time, was just about sports, love, sex... Wanting to "grow up"...

We are blinded by selfish desires.

But there are bigger adversaries up ahead as we take another step...