Save Me Break Me || MYG

The Memories Thirty Five - Forgiveness is Divine

Mia's POV

I hate to admit how terrible days were without Yoongi. My sensitivity to ghosts around me became stronger. Apparently they were taking advantage of my weakened emotional and psychological state, and come to me relentlessly.

Yes. Ghosts. The remnants of the departed. I'll explain later on.

I did not anticipate I'd need the comfort Yoongi always provided for me. He made me feel safe.

But! I can't stand being in the same room with him. I can't even look at him. I can't even breathe the same air he breathes. It was excruciating.

I was frequently hiding in places which I know he despises to keep him away, like in the library because he cannot keep quiet, or that table behind the coffee machine in the cafeteria because it was hot there, or the science lab because of the unwavering scent of chemicals. But to my suprise, he found ways to sneak up on me, to take care of me.

Like that time I was so engrossed in my reading, I have forgotten to eat lunch and my tummy did it's funny churn. A cheese sandwich and a box of orange juice greeted me as I put my book away. Looking around for whoever left it there, nobody else was within five-meter range.

Or when I was late for Chemistry class, Yoongi found a way to distract our professor by spilling hydrochloric acid on his precious lab gown, earning him an hour in detention, but giving me enough time to sneak in before my name was called for attendance.

Or that time in Archery class, my arrows were miraculously replenishing, while a confused Jungkook kept spinning and running around, inspecting carefully if his quiver had holes in it because he was losing his own pile.

Or when it rained mercilessly one afternoon, leaving me stranded under a small shed. I have missed the last school bus, so I had to wait for the rain to stop. He folded the umbrella he was using, placed it on the seat beside me, and walked away coolly in the downpour. The next day he called Jin to say he cannot attend classes because of fever and a terrible cold.

Or that time when another boy was so persistent in asking me out on a date, annoying me nonstop for the rest of the week, stalking me in the hallways, it was getting on my nerves as I really am not interested, he suspiciously stopped the following day, with a bruised cheek, a black eye and busted lip, came up to apologize and say he won't bother me again.

Or when my pen ran out of ink in the middle of an essay writing in History class, someone tapped softly on my table, and when I looked up, Yoongi was staring directly into my eyes while placing his pen on the table, his gaze intense and soft at the same time, meaning to speak to my soul. As he walked away reluctantly, I couldn't help but keep my eyes on him, and before stepping out of the room he turned to me and gave me a wistful smile.

My father did not get involved. Even though he was hurt that this happened, he never got angry at Yoongi. He was fond of him, because Yoongi fulfilled his promise to make that swing on the front porch and some minor repairs to prevent the house front falling apart. And every weekend, mornings would consist of loud hammerings and sounds of wood beeing sawed.

At nights, Migi would whine and scratch at the window, as if inviting Yoongi to come, who would stand outside hoping to get a glimpse of me, but I'd close the curtain and turn off the light. I know how much he misses Yoongi, but we both have to learn to live without him.

Evidently, he still wanted to be around me.

My heart ached everytime he did things for me, even if small, they felt genuine. He was never the most expressive person when it comes to showing emotions, but he took care of me in the most subtle way, even if I asked him to stay away.

At one point, he could not contain himself.

I was busy in the library doing an errand for Ms. Keen. The photocopy machine was so loud that the sound it made was really filling up the room. Yoongi was coming closer, but I dared not look at him. He stopped right behind me, just inches apart. I ignored him and concentrated on my task as I heard his faint voice near my ear.

"I miss talking to you. I'm addicted to your voice. I wish I could hear it again."

I dared not turn around for I know my heart would betray me, so I ignored him and pretended I was preoccupied with my work. Slowly, the heat that radiated from his body was replaced with the coldness and longing, his warmth that I miss dissipating into nothingness. The yearning and sleepless nights rendered me weak and vulnerable.

Part of me wanted to run after him and tell him I love him, that I forgive him, that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, that I'd accept all the hurting and suffering, but the pain was still fresh, the image of him with that girl polluting my mind amd cutting even deeper into the wounds he inflicted upon me, and for me, it was a little too much to take.

Is this the right moment to forgive him?

My dad kept bugging me at dinner, "Mia, forgiveness is divine."

But I suspect he wanted us to be friends again because the other door of my closet got detached, my bedframe was threatening to collapse anytime, and he and Yoongi cannot get inside because obviously my room is off limits to Yoongi, and my dad has zero idea on woodworks, so he can't repair it by himself.

Do I miss him?

Yes. So much that it hurts.

It wasn't solely because of Poly. It was because I revealed my darkest secret. I'm more frightened that he'd look at me differently. Because I'm no longer pure. Because I am disgusting.

I did believe his love for me. So before he dives in deeper, he must be stopped. He deserves someone better, someone pure, someone like Emily, who never left his side, who watches over him. Emily's love for him is unparalleled.

I am nothing compared to her, because she's perfect and I am not.