abyss ↣ joe sugg au

three

[Trigger Warning: mentions of depression/suicide]

"What's your favourite colour?" Joe asked as he handed Charlotte his cigarette on the fifth night of sitting in the middle of the bridge.

Charlotte didn't reply. She just furrowed her eyebrows and took a drag.

"What?" Joe knitted his together, "All we ever talk about is death and loneliness and death."

Charlotte cast Joe a sarcastic eye before taking one last drag and handing it back to Joe.

"Oh fuck off." Came Charlotte's reply.

"Are you kidding me? That's my favourite colour too." There was hint of fondness but she could be easily mistaken.

Charlotte didn't even retaliate. They smoked cigarettes until Joe stubbed out the last one of the packet and they lay in the middle of the road after he had done, moaning about not having a cigarette to smoke.

"Do you want to race me?" Joe asked.

"Where to."

"One end of the bridge to the other."

"But that's your side of the bridge and this is my side." Charlotte reminded him, drawing an invisible line with the pad of her finger in between them. They hadn't actually discussed it, but neither of them had ever gone further than where the other one was sitting or standing before.

"Oh come on." Joe rolled his eyes and stood up, reaching out a hand which Charlotte took reluctantly. They strolled to the start of the bridge on Charlotte's side.

They dropped their coats in the centre of the road, pulling up the sleeves of their sweaters and readying themselves. Joe brought two fingers to his eyes and then directed them at Charlotte who threw two of her own up.

"On your marks....get set...go!" Joe shouted into the thick fog of the night and they ran. Charlotte ran, mouth open in a scream and the cold air attacking the back of her throat, arms spread wide and legs running away from her. Joe called out in victory as he reached his side moments before Charlotte did and neither of them had any breath left to mock each other.

Charlotte's chest was burning, her thighs were aching and her head was spinning but she didn't mind because at least she could feel it. She revelled in the feeling, throwing her arms up high and screaming loudly.

"Why are you so happy, I won!" Joe protested, hands on knees and back hunched over as he fought for breath.

"Because the rules say the winner has to give the loser a piggyback ride to our jackets." Charlotte flicked her nails.

Joe didn't look pleased, in fact he grumbled something like 'never did like the rules' but hunched over further nonetheless and Charlotte hauled her pulled muscles onto Joe's back.

#

On the sixth night, Charlotte got to the bridge first and Joe found her leaning over the barrier, biting at an apple because she may be suicidal but she still liked to look healthy from the outside, whatever the dark circles under her eyes say. She was also holding a new packet of cigarettes, which she told Joe was an award for winning the race and a thank you for following the rules with the piggyback. That night Joe asked her why she wanted to die, and Charlotte told him it wasn't the right time.

On the seventh night, Joe showed up four minutes late with two tubs of ice-cream and told Charlotte to 'fuck calories.' Joe sat with his head against the metal slates and Charlotte lay with her head on his thigh, legs kicking out to the left as her back still ached from running across a bridge over the Thames at gone four in the morning. That night Joe asked her why she wanted to die, and Charlotte told him it still wasn't the right time.

On the eighth night, when they were both sat shoulder to shoulder, sharing a joint with legs dangling over the edge and backs against the thick pillar. Joe pulled out the earphone that was playing The Kooks from Charlotte's phone and asked her why she wanted to die, and she took the earphone out her own ear and told him it was never going to be the right time.

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