abyss ↣ joe sugg au

thirty two

[Trigger Warning: mentions of depression/suicide]

OK I TRIED BUT I PHYSICALLY COULDNT I CRINGED SO HARD MY HEAD HURT SO PLEASE JUST TAKE THIS AND BE THANKFUL THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO READ SOME BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKING LITERACY

It was 3.00am when they finally got back to Joe's apartment and they both mutually decided it was way too early slash late to call Zoe.

Charlotte went immediately to the balcony, to lean against the banister and look up at the sky, because she'd been under it's watch for the better part of the day but she still craved it's moon and all it's stars. There was a slight breeze at this early hour despite it being summer, so she blindly reached for a button on her plaid flannel shirt which was more than likely to be Joe's and did it up as a lame attempt to shield herself from it.

She lost track of time stood there, she always did out on this balcony. It was strange because she was stood in such confined space and realistically anywhere in the world should feel more free than right here, but it didn't and Charlotte didn't really care to dwell on that fact for much longer.

Charlotte allowed herself to think about the previous days events, let the demon thoughts float up into the sky and be done with. She realized then, whilst thinking back to what both Joe's Mum and Dad had said to him, that she had no idea where her parents' may be. She didn't even know if they were alive or dead. But perhaps, in some twisted way, that was okay. See, Joe knew exactly where his parents were and he knew they were alive and well but does that make the fact they wish he wasn't any better. Charlotte could guarantee if she were to see her parents again today, nothing would of changed and to them, she'd still be that fourteen year old who obsessed over shampoo bottles and window panes.

"What you thinking about?" Joe's breath tickled Charlotte's neck and she didn't even realize when she melted back into his chest, silently wishing to disappear into the spaces between his ribs and set up home right next to his beating heart.

"Parents suck." She stated monotone.

Joe sighed and pulled his arms even tighter around Charlotte's tummy. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder before resting his chin upon it. They stayed like that for a moment and Charlotte wondered if Joe was sending his thoughts to the stars too.

"You don't have any siblings do you?" Joe asked after a while and Charlotte knew through the silence, all Joe had been thinking about was his sister.

"No. Always wanted a little brother though." Charlotte admitted, it being the first time she's ever told anyone since her parents.

"Oh, couldn't convince your Mum and Dad then?" And Charlotte could feel his smile against her shoulder. Joe knew it was a sensitive topic, for the both of them, but what was the harm in pretending things were actually normal.

"I could never seem to exist loud enough to make them listen." Charlotte stated like it was a well-known fact.

Joe pulled her away from the barrier then, turned her around in his arms and placed a delicate kiss on her lips as if to say I'm very much aware you're here and don't forget it.

"You know," Joe mumbled, lips so close to Charlotte's own, "I think whether a person looks up or down whilst standing on a balcony on the 7th floor says a lot about who they really are."

Charlotte smiled against Joe's lips, laughing slightly against the ring of metal that waited for her there. He was so silly.

"It's an awful way to exist Charlotte. Wide awake with red rimmed eyes, trying to find comfort in between cold sheets." Joe's forehead skimmed over Charlotte's, hands brushing over her hips.