abyss ↣ joe sugg au

fifty

[Trigger Warning: mentions of depression/suicide]

The hotel was right next the prettiest stretch of beach, bombarded with holiday-goers and locals. Charlotte could see everyone out there, spread out on beach towels whilst Caspar and Bethany mucked about in the water. Charlotte had insisted on staying behind for a little while, to tidy-up the room a bit so the maids didn't have to do so much work she had told Joe, but the truth of the matter was that the idea of being in a bikini in front of hundreds made her heart pound abusively in her chest.

With Joe, she could just about handle it now. She was scared at first, may of even cried a little, but Joe kissed and soothed her over and over until she was able to hand that last little bit of trust over to him. Charlotte never even really hesitated now, sometimes she even found herself needing Joe to map out infinities onto her skin. But this, to go out among so many others, under the sun - that had never been her closest friend - where everything is illuminated double, was a next to impossible task. 

She'd thrown an oversized top over her plain black bikini a while back, and was now sat on the bed contemplating ways where she could effectively fake her own death so she didn't have to do this. Any plan was halted though, as a nervous cough broke the silence of the room.

Charlotte turned and felt her cheeks flush instantly red as she saw Joe standing in front of the now closed door, all abs and already tanned skin and Charlotte wanted to melt melt melt into the fucking sheets so she didn't have to explain why she hadn't yet joined the rest of the party. 

"Char," Joe's expression changed from playful to concerned as he moved through the spacious hotel room. 

Charlotte nearly let out a whimper and Joe folded himself around her on the bed, making her feel even smaller than she already did.

"What's up poppet?" Joe asked soothingly, applying pressure to her shoulders and pressing a peck behind her ear.

Charlotte sagged, leaning back into Joe and sighing heavily. 

"Let me in." Joe whispered.

"I," Charlotte started eventually, "I have scars. I have -- I'm not ready for them all to see." 

Charlotte had just about come to terms with the scarring on her cheek that was left after her stitches has been removed. She'd worn a beanie for a week, trying to tug it down for all it was worth until Joe had tutted, pulled it off in the middle of a shopping centre and kissed first the scar, then the one above her eyebrow, and then her lips. Kissed her silly until he was sure everyone was looking and when she finally pulled away, she looked around at the gathering audience and realized they all had looks of awe on their faces. Pleased smiles and happy eyes littered her mind and enabled her to realize that no-one really cared. That people thought there was no difference between someone kissing Megan Fox or an insecure woman with a scar upon her cheek and one above her brow. 

"Hey," Joe had moved slightly so he could see Charlotte's face. 

Charlotte blinked a couple of times, focused her attention back on the opposing wall, that was littered in monochrome artwork. 

"Sorry." Charlotte mumbled.

"Where did you go?" Joe asked, referring to Charlotte's seconds of distance. 

Charlotte just shook her head. 

"Look poppet," Joe shuffled them around again, so Charlotte was curled into his chest like a child and he stroked his fingers through her hair. "You know what you told me last night about LA and the shampoo bottles?" - Charlotte nodded - "Maybe you could look at all this the same way. Like, when you next come face-to-face with an obstacle that involves people seeing more of you than you'd like, you can think back to that time you were sunbathing in LA not giving a motherfuck what people thought of you because you'd never see those people again. I'm sure you'll also think back to how no-one minded you were only wearing swimwear, because everyone was wearing the same, some even less."