abyss ↣ joe sugg au

twenty nine

[Trigger Warning: mentions of depression/suicide]

i've been sleeping with the lights on

'cause the darkness is surrounding you

this is my world, this is my choice

and you're the drug that gets me through

The words played methodically around the confined space of the car, Joe driving after much reluctance. Charlotte felt a little ill, because herself, Joe and Zoe had planned a surprise visit on their parents -- 'so they didn't have a choice in the matter.'

Joe had briefly explained the housing of his childhood on the two hour journey to Brighton, himself and Zoe had lived with their parents in a cottage in Bath until he was thirteen, and then when their Mum and Dad divorced, there was tough decisions to be made. Zoe decided it be best if she moved to Brighton with her Mum, and Joe later decided to go to London with his Dad. Joe visited Zoe and his Mum a lot, down in Brighton every other weekend for as long as he could remember, the siblings were joint at the hip apparently, until Joe met Leah and distanced himself from everything for her. It was when Joe was nineteen and old enough to live by himself, that their Dad, Graham -- decided that he was still hopelessly in love with his ex-wife and moved to Brighton to prove it. Since then, Graham had moved into Tracey's and they were now now as-good-as married once again.

Other than that, Joe was distant and the tapping of his fingers on the steering wheel was the only clue that he was still aware of everything around him. Charlotte fiddled with the piece of paper that had the scribbled directions on, trying desperately not to feel like the Cheap Brunette Joe's Mum had labelled her as.

After Joe cut the engine, half-an-hour later, Charlotte looked up from the directions on the paper and realized they needn't of got them at all. She pulled her chewed thumbnail from her mouth and looked across at Joe, who had his chin rested atop his arms on the steering wheel. Charlotte allowed him a few minutes to gather himself, taking the chance to look up at the house.

"You know you didn't have to do this, and now we're here -- you still don't." Charlotte tried to reassure Joe, selfishly hoping he'd start the engine and they could go straight back home.

"I owe this to Zoe." Joe stated into the crook of his arm, before lifting his head and looking at Charlotte with bloodshot eyes. "Besides, I want to show you my bedroom. I had a lot of happy memories there, want it to be my fourth photo."

Charlotte's lips twitched upwards before Joe planted a kiss to the corner of them. There wasn't time to take another breath as Joe got out the car and waited at the front of it for Charlotte to join. His trembling fingers wrapped around Charlotte's palm as they made the short walk to the front door, and they tightened still when he knocked.

Zoe opened it seconds later, eyes gleaming a deep shade of blue. Taking quick note of Joe and Charlotte's linked hands, she squealed before taking Joe into her arms, swaying him side-to-side.

However, when she pulled away and stepped aside for the pair to come through the front door, her expression was solemn with a hint of sadness.

"They're not home yet. Thought I'd allow you a few minutes." Zoe smiled weakly, before heading for what Charlotte presumed was the kitchen.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" Zoe called from the kitchen.

"Um--no, thank you Zo. I want to show Charlotte my old bedroom, actually." Joe called back nervously, gesturing to the stairs. Zoe's straightening posture couldn't be mistaken and she stepped back into the doorway, making herself visible. She could of said something that explained what her eyes, posture, facial expression was telling, but it was simply unnecessary.

Joe tensed under Charlotte's touch, before ripping away and bounding up the stairs.

"J-Joe wait!" Zoe shouted, running down the hallway and after Joe on the stairs. Charlotte followed shortly after. Colliding with Zoe's back as she raced over the threshold, she allowed her vision to focus and took in a shocked gasp.

Zoe slipped out from in between Joe's back and Charlotte's front to move to the small window, scraping the hair that had escaped her tight ponytail, off her face. Charlotte couldn't of moved if she wanted too, stayed glued to the spot, eyes feeling like they could set the room on fire all over again.

"What happened?" Joe asked, voice dark and hurt and so--so broken.

"I--I don't know." Zoe said with a shaking voice.

"Don't lie to me Zoe!" Joe pointed a finger then, before pacing around the empty room with fingers scraping through his hair.

"I'm so, so sorry Joe." Zoe reached for Joe but he pushed out of her grip before it was even on him.

"Where is all my stuff?" Joe sank to his knees then, lent his head on them and rocked back-and-forth like he was grieving the belongings of his childhood.

"Burnt." Zoe whispered, so hushed that both Charlotte and Joe were positive they misheard, even though the many burn marks across the walls told them boldly enough.

Joe's eyes were wide and he stared Zoe out. Charlotte's sure she saw the exact moment Zoe cracked.

"Mum burnt them!" Zoe shouted then. Choking on her own sobs after, at war at herself for saying it. "She was depressed. She wasn't thinking straight. Yours in the first room up here Joe, it could of been my old room." Zoe dug for an explanation.

"We both know this was personal as hell, look around you Z--"

Joe was silenced by the sound of the door shutting beneath them, all three of their backs straightening like they were under surveillance. Joe's eyes whipped from Zoe to Charlotte to Zoe to the door and they tried to reach out and grab him but he escaped their hands.

Moments later, there was shouting that shook the ground beneath Charlotte's feet. Zoe shot Charlotte a cautious look, before heading out the room and descending down the stairs. Tracey, their mum, was stood by the closed front door, a few shopping bags dropped at her feet, expression cold. Graham stood barely a step behind.

OK I MIGHT OF LIED ABOUT IT GETTING HAPPIER BUT LIKE WAIT FOR IT SHIT THIS IS NOT A SPOILER IT COULD ALL BE A TRICK

also, lyrics at the start are from the song Life Support by Sam Smith, it's incredible.