abyss ↣ joe sugg au

thirty four

[Trigger Warning: mentions of depression/suicide]

It was 3am and Charlotte and Joe had made sure they were on the dot. It had been sentimental really, Joe helping Charlotte over the barrier like he always had done and Charlotte placing an earphone in Joe's hand and playing music from one of their favourite bands. The only difference now is that the last time Charlotte sat here, she had convinced herself an infinite amount of times over that love was a myth and now she's sat here and she's pretty sure love is the realest thing she's ever felt.

It had been twenty minutes since Joe had taken his final photo for the project.

"I lied to you sat here." Joe's voice cut through the low thrum of music playing in Charlotte's right ear. She took a deep breath because this was bound to happen at some point. 

"You played with the truth." Charlotte spoke to the trees in the distance. 

"I'm sorry Charlotte." His words trailed off into a whisper.

"You don't have to apologize Joe. Not ever. Not about your past. You should realize how brave you are. You were in love and you were brave and strong for her. There's nothing to be sorry about." Charlotte rested her weight on her palms, leaning over more to see her feet kick out above the water. 

"It wasn't love Charlotte, at least I don't think. The more and more I remember, the more and more I realize it was some sick game to her." Charlotte could tell Joe was biting at his lip ring. 

"You know that's not true. You told me remember, about all the nights you'd lie in the park. About your tutoring sessions and bullshitty excuses and maths questions you couldn't give two shits about. About climbing through her bedroom window and all the 'I love you's' she whispered through all those things-"

"I love you means nothing when it's spat down the throat of every person who makes you feel less dead." Joe cut in sharply.

Charlotte was close to giving up with this. She pressed the crown of her head against the outer barrier and grunted. 

"I didn't come here for this," Joe whispered after a few stretched minutes of silence. Charlotte tried not to frown because he was the one who brought it up.

"I thought I'd die here you know. I wanted to come back here and look at this fucking putrid place and say a big fuck you to it because I made it out of here alive. We, me and you, we defied all odds. Being back here makes it feel that much more real." Joe's back had straightened and the stars reflected in his eyes and Charlotte was so in love with Shakespeare-the-second and she didn't feel the slightest bit bad about it. 

She leaned over the edge, muttered a 'fuck you' to the water below and looked at Joe who mirrored her pleased grin. 

"Fuck you." Joe said a little louder.

"Fuck you." Charlotte did one better.

"Fuck you." Joe shouted.

"Fuck you." Charlotte belted.

"Fuck you." Joe screamed.

It went on for some time, bats leaving their respectable hiding places and emerging in front of the moon's glow to listen. It was when they'd pulled their stomach muscles and all the cigarettes had been smoked and disposed of below, that they finally pulled themselves back over onto the pavement. 

"Good evening Sir and fuck you." Joe bowed his head as they passed a old drunkard. 

Charlotte snorted a laugh and they continued to walk, the drunken slur of curses being shouted at them slicing through the silence of the night.