abyss ↣ joe sugg au

thirteen

[Trigger Warning: mentions of depression/suicide]

She's just bones and a beating heart and blue eyes why does this fucking hurt so much? Joe argued with himself as he walked to the taxi office he knew was a few corners away from past experiences. If he could find it shit drunk, he could find it now. It proved difficult though, because he wasn't just lugging his bag, he was carrying a heavy heart as well.

He didn't know what he expected, he didn't know why he was surprised, maybe it was because this girl has been proclaiming herself unlovable for the past ten months, yet this is the first time they've been out to a social event together and she's already losing possession of her tongue.

He would of told Charlotte tonight, he swore, and now he can't help but think about what would of happened if he didn't catch South African Heart Throb stealing into Charlotte's mouth like he was an armed robber.

He stormed into the cab office like the murderer everyone thought he was and demanded a taxi. If the overweight, greasy-haired man recognized him then he didn't make it obvious and just called through to one of the drivers.

As he sat on one of the tattered seats, drastic plans of running back to the hotel and releasing all his anger out on South African Lady Killer. Fuck, he wanted a cigarette, and some alcohol, and Charlotte. No, Leah, he wants Leah.

#

Charlotte waits up until 3.30am, staring at the same cream wall for an embarrassing amount of hours, wanting Joe to come back so much that her bones ached with it. She could probably make a guess at what happened. Joe found a pretty girl on the dance floor and whisked her back to his flat that most definitely smelt of smoke due to the many nights they spent smoking. Joe was a side effect after all, he was bound to wear off eventually.

It shouldn't hurt this bad, Charlotte didn't know why it did. Maybe it was because this boy deemed himself to hell and the first opportunity he got, he was bedding another woman.

Charlotte prayed that there was still a little life in the party downstairs, she thought she could hear an almost silent thrum of music but she could be easily mistaken. Anyhow, she pulled on a hoodie over her dress and exited her room.

Prayers answered, there were still a couple of pairs wrapped up in each other's arms on the dance floor, a few booths taken and shit, Caspar slumped over the bar, swirling some kind of alcoholic beverage in his glass.

Charlotte took the stall next to him wordlessly, slumping over in a similar fashion.

"Where's Loverboy?" He asks with his eyes still transfixed on the liquid at the bottom of his glass.

"Close, but his name's Joe. He ditched I guess." Charlotte tried to get the attention of the one person behind the bar who looked positively gormless.

"I hope the taste of your own medicine tastes bitter." Caspar bites, downing the last of his drink and slamming the glass back on the counter aggressively.

"You'll probably thank me one day Cas." Charlotte shrugged, raising her eyebrows as the bartender came over.

They sat in silence until Charlotte's Vodka and Coke was put on the counter in front of her.

"When will you realize it's pointless chasing someone who's already crossed the finish line. The most you can ever get is second." Caspar lectured and the words hit too close to home. Unknown feelings swirled in Charlotte's gut.

"You're a prick Caspar." Was all that came out, but she wanted to tell him that being second was better than being nothing at all and she would be twenty-fifth to Joe and still be thankful.

"He's already won Cinders."

Charlotte bunched her fists around her glass.

"You think he's won? You think that's what he thought when he was burying his girlfriend into the dirt - I've won." And this is why Charlotte hated the entire human population.

"The papers have it in black and white darling." Caspar rolls his eyes back as he downs yet another drink.

"You kiss me and now you think you can tell me what to do." Charlotte scoffs, remembering hers and Joe's many conversations about bullshit newspapers.

"No. Charlotte I've saved your job more times than you've completed that damn Rubik's cube. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't of attended this party with your boyfriend. I'm entitled to offer my opinion." Caspar explains.

But Charlotte didn't want her job to be saved, didn't want any of it, all she wanted was the one thing that she could never have.

"Fuck you. Just get me drunk."

Charlotte and Caspar continue to drink, Caspar admitting he's liked her since the very first time she walked into the office with a too-short skirt on and Charlotte vowed she was wearing trousers for the rest of her life. Caspar gave her lecture after lecture about being in love with murderers but Charlotte let the alcohol batter those thoughts away. She ended up kissing Caspar a lot as well, she'd blame it on the loneliness tonight and the alcohol tomorrow but it made her feel like she'd got one up on Joe, or they were just evens, she didn't really know, she was too drunk and a lot lonely to care.

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