abyss ↣ joe sugg au

five

[Trigger Warning: mentions of depression/suicide]

"I didn't know how someone who joked about Chinese Dragons and listened to the occasional One Direction song would want to jump from the middle, but then I told you shit and you came back and I realized just how insane you truly are." Joe told Charlotte two weeks later, on the stroll back from the finish line after another race.

"You're just mad at me because I won this time." Charlotte shrugged, scuffing her shoes along the white lines of the road.

"No, I'm mad at you because I lost and you didn't give me a piggyback." Joe grumbled, pushing Charlotte out the way with his hip so he could balance along the painted white line instead.

When they got to the middle once again, Joe clambered over the railing and helped Charlotte over like always. When their limbs were tangled together, backs against the pillar, Charlotte took out her phone and pulled up her play list, making a point of skipping Happily by One Direction.

Joe just grunted a laugh and pushed Charlotte's head down on his shoulder. This had become routine, it wasn't always the head-to-shoulder, it just had to be one part of Joe touching one part of Charlotte. It's how it worked. They'd both walk to the middle, one of them always late, they'd climb over the railing and settle against the pillar. One of them or both of them would say that they didn't feel like talking tonight, so sometimes they just sat there, not really being there but knowing that the other one was. It might of been crazy, but when was any of this sane?

"Char?" Came the faint whisper over Stubborn Love. Charlotte nodded. There was a long pause, Charlotte even started to think she had imagined it but then Joe's head ducked down a little, nose pointing to his knees, cheek nearing Charlotte's forehead.

"Why haven't you jumped?"

And Charlotte didn't reply for even longer. She looked down at the water as best she could, she looked at the paths and the greenery either side of it, she looked at the silhouettes of tall buildings far beyond it and it made a lump rise in her throat, made her want to stop seeing those things. Made her not want to live. Made her wonder why she hadn't jumped. Then she lifted her head from Joe's shoulder and leaned forward to look back. Joe's eyes were on full display due to his fringe always being pushed back. She looked at the way his lip ring dug into his skin in the dim light and she looked at how the darkness hollowed out his cheekbones and she decided that she didn't know why she hasn't jumped but not knowing might have something to do with the boy sat next to her.

"Don't." Came Joe's voice, accompanied by a tighter grip on her hand. Charlotte shook any further thoughts out of her head and retook her position on Joe's shoulder.

"Can I say something completely out of order?" Charlotte finally asked through the thick air.

"Mhm." Came Joe's cautious reply.

"You shouldn't jump." And she heard Joe sigh. "Leah, she didn't have a choice whether she lived or died. She didn't have a chance. But you do, it's up to you. Take the fucking chance."

"Can I say something even more out of order?" Joe asked.

"Mhm."

"You shouldn't jump either. Just because you've never experienced love, doesn't mean you never will. You have a chance, you're twenty-one not ninety. You take the fucking chance."

The corners of Charlotte's lips might of twitched but then another One Direction song might of come on and she might of blushed a deep shade of red and she might of had to bury herself further into Joe's shoulder to hide her flaming cheeks.

Joe chuckled and let Charlotte's words play on repeat through his head as the image of black skies and white stars blanketed his vision and there might of just been the smallest chance that in that moment, he had hoped Charlotte would be his chance.

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