abyss ↣ joe sugg au

ten

[Trigger Warning: mentions of depression/suicide]

- the photo is just to give you a visual of what I think Charlotte looks like -

Charlotte woke early, half sad that she couldn't give herself a piggyback in congratulations for finding her way back to the sofa. She felt heavy, bones weighed down by the words Joe spoke last night, but it was probably just the after affects of getting shit drunk.

She set herself down at the kitchen table with a paracetamol, glass of water and her packet of cigarettes. She took two paracetamol and one sip of water and several drags of her cigarette.

Charlotte stared at the white door that seemed so harmless now the darkness had subsided. That rule didn't apply for what lay behind that door though. After twenty minutes of sitting there, eyes burning holes in the door, the smoke started to push away the ache in her head and allowed her to think somewhat more clearly.

She thought about what Joe told her last night, although it was fragmented in her memory due to too much alcohol. She thought about how both Joe and Leah crept out at night and how she cried on his bed in his fucking arms and Charlotte felt sick. What other bold statement was there to make other than placing herself exactly where Leah used to be. Every single hair pricked on Charlotte's skin as she realized why Joe wanted her around. Charlotte had become infatuated with the night, had become obsessed with the dark blanket of security that made it okay to be far from who she was meant to be. Charlotte had many a time, found herself crying into the sheets of Joe's bed, drunk as she may of been each time, it happened and so did Leah.

These thoughts shouldn't of made Charlotte's chest ache the way it did. Joe was just a side effect of being alone, the loneliness is what should hurt. Charlotte was about to get up and leave, she swore, but then Joe stumbled out from his room and slumped down in the seat opposite her.

"Did I pass out when I gave you a piggyback?" Joe half laughed, scrubbing at his eyes with his fists.

No. No you didn't, Charlotte thought.

"Yeah, I think maybe different rules should apply when we're both drunk." Charlotte smiled down at her hands that were wrapped around the half empty glass of water.

Joe chuckled with a slightly cracked voice and they sat in silence for a few minutes before Charlotte pushed back in her chair, the legs screeching against the floor and startling them both. She poured the rest of her water down the sink and put the half empty packet of pills in the cupboard and went over to the sofa where she put her cigarettes in her bag.

Charlotte wanted to say something that would make herself feel better, as Joe was completely oblivious to confiding in her last night, but the water had seemed to do nothing for the lump in her throat, so she just gathered her clothes and locked herself in the bathroom to change. She exhaled loudly, knowing that this unfamiliar routine would raise Joe's suspicions as Charlotte never got dressed before noon.

She didn't let herself think after that, just got changed and bundled yesterday's clothes in her bag and slung it over her shoulder and stepped out of the bathroom to see Joe folding away the blankets of her sofa bed. Something pulled in Charlotte's chest because Joe hadn't even argued with Charlotte, hadn't even questioned what she was doing, he just went along with it. However, when she headed for the door without a word, she could feel Joe's eyes boring a hole into her back before he asked, "Where are you going?"

Charlotte stopped only for a fraction of a second and plastered on her widest of smiles Joe would know was fake and turned on her heel.

"Oh, I have to go baby shopping with Andrea. She said she'd go with Kian but he just wanders off down the Lego isle." Charlotte said as convincing as she could. "I did say last night."