bare [h.s.]

The Sawyer Show

I haven't seen Elijah all day
and it's been difficult to be
without a friendly face.
I watched Ally walk with her
other friends, laughing and
smiling like this morning
never happened;
I never happened.
And I was beyond relieved that they didn't see me standing alone, or else I would've been chewed out and embarrassed. Again.

"Where's lover boy?" A familiar,
ear-piercing voice asks behind me.
This morning's event has taken
all energy from me, and I'm too
tired to fight with him,
though his presence is better
than being lonely.

"I don't know," I shrug my shoulders as Harry walks
beside me.

"So, are you two dating?"
He taunts, a snarky grin plastered against his face.

"Wouldn't you like to know,"
I sigh, ultimately defeated.
He must notice my mood is
anything but playful, because
the atmosphere alters suddenly and his cocky smirk fades.

"No, actually. I wouldn't," he says,
opening the door for me
just like Elijah did.
I purposely avoid thanking him
as I walk to my seat, behind the empty desk belonging that
Elijah usually fills.
Instead, Harry takes his place
and I get up to move.

"Oh, come on. Just sit," he says,
looking up at me with big,
beautiful emerald eyes.
I give in, letting out an exhausted
sigh as I rest my bag against the floor.

"What happened this morning?
This girl was screaming at you,
and you had no good comebacks,"
he says, referring to the fight that the entire school population saw.

"So, you witnessed that too."
Tears begin to swell in my eyes and I wipe them away with my sleeve.
I curse at myself for being so
emotional and weak
as my teeth dig into my bottom lip
to force the tears to end.
Harry notices and swears loudly,
offering to get me a tissue.

"I'm okay," I keep repeating,
each time louder than the last.
But no one is understanding me.
The bell echoes in my ears as
I cover them with both hands
and students pour into the seats
surrounding me.
Judgmental eyes stare
and I gasp for air between cries.
The room seems to close in
on itself, threatening to
swallow me whole.
Everyone witnesses the
Sawyer Show playing out
before their very eyes.
Why are you doing this? You look pathetic, I yell at myself.

In the midst of my breakdown,
I hear a comforting voice
through the hateful words
being tossed around in my mind.

"She's having a panic attack!"
Harry calls to the teacher,
placing strong hands around
my arms.
"Look at me. You're going to be okay. I'll take you outside, for some air," Harry suggests,
and though I don't want to,
I take his hand.