bare [h.s.]

Hallway Heart-to-Heart

Harry sits down against the wall beside me.
My hand is still intertwined
in his, and I think I'm squeezing
hard enough to snap his bones,
but it doesn't seem to phase him.
He keeps his eyes locked with mine
as he gently nods for me to
breathe slowly.
It takes a few moments for
me to fully calm myself and
I mentally thank him.

"Tell me what's the matter.
If I made you cry,
I really didn't mean to."
He looks over at me
with sympathy,
but I don't want that from him.
I don't deserve it.

"I'm the worst person, ever,"
I say, but he looks to me with puzzled eyes.

"Okay, and?" He jokingly smiles,
and I shake my head at him.

"And I chose a boy over my friend," I sigh, closing my eyes to
avoid another crying fit,
"who I just found out today is
depressed," I bluntly state.

"Wow," I hear him say,
"You are the worst."
I don't look to see if he's joking,
only draw in a quick breath
and nod at the statement.

"I told you."
We sit in silence for a moment
and a lump forms in my throat.
There's so much I want to get off
my chest, but he isn't the right
person to load this on.
"I miss her,
and I miss Elijah," I whisper.

"He'll probably be back tomorrow," he says.

"You don't get it," I glance down
at my feet that overlap one another. "No one gets it."

"I would if you told me."
I think about laughing,
letting out a pathetic little
"ha", but I don't.

"I don't know you.
You don't know me," I refuse,
turning my head to the worn,
rusty lockers that line the halls
in a pattern of blue.

"That's not true, at all,"
He looks slightly offended,
placing one hand over his lips
in a dramatic gesture.
"I gave you answers in
Geometry two years ago!
How could you forget?"

I widen my eyes and turn to him,
"You're Curly Sue?" I bite my lip
to keep from giggling like an idiot.

"I thought I lived that
dreaded nickname down,"
Harry frowns, taking a strand of
hair between his fingers to study
it closely.

"You did, but now you look like a hippie, so we'll have to find you a new name,"
We both laugh as he
playfully punches my arm,
our laughter harmonizing beautifully in the empty space.
But just as soon as it started, the sounds die out, leaving nothing
but silence between us.

"I have monophobia," I say through clenched teeth.
I've never told anyone that,
not even Ally, who I trusted
more than Harry.

"I feel like you've made that up just now." He teases.

"It's the fear of being alone. I just..." I shake my head,
but Harry encourages me to continue the thought.
"I just need people around me;
people who care about me;
people I like.
And right now,
I'm only with you," I sadly smile.

"Fair enough," he lightly chuckles.
Moments pass as we both stare at the beige wall that stands
in front of us.

"I think I'm calm enough to go back in," I say, swallowing
the sadness, the guilt,
and overall,
the loneliness.