Stay around or else -

Chapter XXI

• Ady's POV •

Sa ilalim ako nang puno dinala ng mga paa ko. Kanina pa masama ang pakiramdam ko. Balak ko sana itulog na lang muna pero masyado kaseng epal yung lalaking kasama ni ----.

Grabe. Di ko kinaya ang sinabe niya. Pinili kong di siya lingunin para di niya makitang umiiyak ako. Ang tanga ko talaga. Iniyakan ko siya. E alam ko namang ginu-good time lang ako nun.

Naupo ako sa damuhan. Wala kong balak pumasok. Ang balak ko itulog 'to para maayos ang utak ko sa mas major pa doon.

Pumusisyon na ko para maupo at isandal ang katawan ko sa katawan den ng puno.

I chose to stuck my ear phone to my ears and sank myself into the song currently playing.

A/N: Please play the song of Sleeping with siren entitled All My Heart,,for you to really feel the emotion of the protagonist.

° There's so many things that I could say

But I'm sure it would come out all wrong

You got something that I can't explain,

Still try and try and let you know °

'I've never been a hero. To my mom nor to my sis. Kaya nga sana kahit sa'yo na lang sana eh.'

I feel the sincerity within that words. The truth is I wanted to shout out loud how much he mean to me. I wanted to scream my ribs out that I always sleep late since the day he made me realize he's worth loving. I wanted to scream on top of my lungs that I'm really really looking forward to see him each day because he complete it. If only he knew what my heart really feels. If only he can read minds. If only he notice my behaviour. If only i'm braver than before. We might here together sharing conversation and confessing what we really feel. If only I have the guts to say to him that I wanted him to stay around beside me forever. F*ck. But I don't have. He doesn't deserve me. He deserve someone better.

°That first summer we spent's one we'll never forget,

Looking for any kind of reason to escape all the mess that

We thought was what made us

Ain't it funny now? We can see

We're who we're meant to be°

I shut my eyes. I shook my head thrice because I don't want any liquid came out of my eyes and spill into my cheeks. I don't want to-

But it suddenly fall.

I hugged my knee and sank my face into it. Bakit ba kase nakinig-kinig ako ng love song. Ayan tuloy!

Nagulat ako ng bahagyang humina ang impact ng kanta at napalitan iyon ng bahagyang pag-hingal. Pa-simple kong pinahid ang luha sa mata ko saka iniangat ang ulo ko at nabigla ako ng makita ang taong kasalukuyang umuokupa sa hinagap ko.

"I'll stop once you answer me seriously." Ani Kellin. Nakapatong ang braso sa mga tuhod nito. Habol ang hininga. Waring tinakbo mula rito hanggang building nila.

"What else do you wanna hear?" Kunwa'y walang habas kong tanong. Gusto ko na agad tapusin ang pag-uusap naming iyon sa takot na baka di ko na makontrol ang muling pag-tulo ng makukulit kong mga luha.

"Do you possibly like me? Even just a bit?" Lumuhod siya para pantayan ako.

Di ko nakayanang titigan ang mata niya. His eyes seems more loyal than his mouth. I turn my eyes to elsewhere and answer him coldly.

"N-no." I even gulp twice trying to calm my voice to speak normal.

"Ok. Atleast it's all cleared." Bakas sa tinig niya ang kalungkutang lumukob sa kanya. Tumayo siya. At totoong naalarma ko. Kasabay ng pagtalikod niya ang pagtulo ng kanina ko pa pinipigil na luha.

'Kaya mo yan, Ady! Bandang huli iiwan ka den niya. Mas grabe pa dyan ang mararanasan mo pag naging kayo. At isa pa, maatim mo ba na masaya ka samantalang ang kapatid mo. Hindi. Tama ang ginawa mo. Tama yan. It's just a simple infatuation.' Kalma ko sa sarili ko. I even bit my thumb para di iyon mauwe sa malalakas na hagulgol.

Palagi na lang bang ganito? Rejection doon. Rejection dito. Priority ang iba kesa sa sariling kaligayahan. Hindi ba pwedeng lahat ng tao maging selfish na lang. Para lahat kuntento. Hindi ba pwedeng sariling kaligayahan na lang nila kahit pa maka-apekto iyon sa iba? Life is not really fair. You'll live with consequences.

Akala ko tuluyan na siyang aalis ngunit nabigla ako nang muli siyang humarap sa direksyon ko. Patakbo niya kong pinuntahang muli saka marahas na itinayo at niyakap ng mahigpit.

Na-estatwa ko sa pagka-gulat. He didn't say any word. Di ko alam kung para saan ang yakap na iyon. Ang alam ko lang. Umiiyak siya. I made him cry and that made me feel insane.

'I'm sorry ate.' Naisaloob ko saka ko siya ginantihan ng yakap.

"I feel so selfish. But I can't fight the urge to let myself feel what happiness really mean. I'm sorry. I made you cry." Mahina kong bulong sa kanya.

"You mean you love me too?" Tanong niya. Hindi na siya nag-abalang kalasin pa ang yakap na iyon.

"Ang slow mo talaga." Kunwari'y naiinis kong pahayag.

"I better make things clear. I may be day dreaming or worst I'm hallucinating." Muli'y tanong niya sa pagitan ng pag-hikbi.

"No. You're not. We're here. Lock up by our feelings."

He didn't answer. I just feel his hug tightened.

"I love you and promise. I'll stay around forever."

I closed my eyes and hug him tight, too. So, this is the feeling of being loved again.