frick frack | anne with an E

just maybe

When Anne got home that day she went straight to her room. No hello to Matthew or Marilla, nothing. Just fast loud steps up the stairs. As soon as Diana said goodbye she was alone with her thoughts. The words her friends have said that day ringing through her head. Her own words contradicting everything they said. Wanting it to not be true. She wanted them to lying, wanting them to mess with her feelings. She wanted them to go up to her and say it was all a prank. "Gilbert didn't like you, he wasn't in love with you, don't worry!" As soon as Diana said that she should be open to the idea of liking Gilbert Blythe romantically. It opened a whole new world. All her thoughts, actions, his words, his actions, made sense. She didn't want it to make sense. She wanted to go back to 8th grade where her hatred for him was at its peak. She wanted to ignore these feelings. She didn't want to overanalyze everything he has ever said to her. She didn't want to overanalyze everything she has ever said to him. But the more she thought about it the more what Billy the more what Diana said it made sense. And they didn't even know everything.

They didn't know how Anne showed Gilbert her sacred hut. The place she went when she wanted to be alone. They didn't know he was allowed to go there when Cole and Diana were not, they didn't even know it existed. She didn't know why she told him but she did, and the worst part is she glad she did. It was like her subconscious self trusted Gilbert Blythe even before she even could admit it to herself. Anne didn't want to trust him. Anne wanted to distance herself from him, again. To not talk to him, but unlike all those years before she knew she couldn't. She couldn't just do that to him. No matter how much she hated this current situation of maybe being in lov-. She wouldn't do that to him again. Anne wouldn't admit it but she did enjoy seeing him in the morning, their classes together, at the end of the day. Where they would talk. She enjoyed it too much just to let it all go away just like that. To go back to 8th grade again. Anne's concern with dating Gilbert was it would ruin their friendship group, but not talking to Gilbert only actually ruined it more.

They didn't know about their movie night. How she fell asleep on him and thought it felt nice. How she felt safe being in his arms. How they watched Tangled. Her favorite movie. Her most emotionally attached movie. Cole and Diana knew about it, they knew why it was her favorite movie. Why it was her favorite. When they found out the movie they were in shock.

They didn't know about how they almost kissed in the lake. How she thought Gilbert was even more attractive than usual. How his skin tight clothes made her stomach feel like a bunch of butterflies were having a party. How she kept going underwater cause he didn't want him to know she was about to start blushing. She knew it, she tried to ignore those feelings, as much as she could. But Anne couldn't help think about that day how he looked, how she looked. It would always bring a smile to her face. She hated how it brought a smile to her face.

Anne laid in her bed, thinking over and over all these moments. She kept trying to defend herself saying she thinks those things with Cole and Diana. There was a voice, that voice of reason. She hated the voice of reason. It was telling her she didn't think those things with Cole or Diana. Or anyone. Just with him. That voice said the last time she thought about someone like that it was her ex.  Anne shook her head when the voice reminded her of him. The voice stopped talking about him.

Anne stared at the ceiling, song after song kept playing, thought after thought kept going. It was so much she didn't even realize there was a single tear going down her cheek. It was from frustration. There was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in." She whispered. The person slowly opened the door. It was Matthew, he came in, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. Marilla stayed in the doorway.

"What's wrong?" Matthew asked softly. Anne shook her head, a hand wiping the tear from her cheek.

"Nothing is wrong." She replied her music almost making her unheard.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Matthew asked. Anne looked at him for a second, then back at the ceiling.

"Yeah,''

"Well then get on with it!" Marilla said from the doorway obviously getting more impatient. Matthew turned his head towards his sister and just shook his head in disapproval.

"Today at school..." Anne started, she went on, and told them all about the days' events. She told them what Diana said, Gilbert, Miss Stacey, and Billy. They listened, they didn't interrupt or say anything when she seemed to be done. They looked at her and listened.

"The worst part is... I knew. I knew all of this. I know he liked me, I knew the way he acted around me, the things he said. I knew it was only with me. No matter how much I've wanted a tragical romance I ignored the one that was right next to me the whole time. I just didn't realize it, I didn't want to realize it." Anne laughed. "Maybe that's what makes it so tragical. That I ignored it... " Anne took a breath trying to regroup her thoughts. "I wanted to ignore it, I wanted to stop. I was scared. I was scared of someone loving me so hard when I didn't deserve... cause I don't. He should be off with some girl who wants to be a doctor too, who wasn't obnoxious with him for years. Someone who has loved him from day one. Not year 4." Anne voice became more frustrated as she went on. All the ignoring she has done for years was to prevent this very thing from happening. A hand on her shoulder made her stop talking it was Marilla. Anne looked at Marilla.

"Anne, you deserve it, don't let that be the one thing that stops you. And I've never seen a boy be so in love with someone. Maybe... he doesn't want some girl like that, maybe he just wants you."

"Anne," Matthew started, Anne looked away from Marilla and at him. "It's okay to be scared but don't let that fear overtake your life, to the point where you miss a once in a lifetime person," Matthew added. By this time Anne was crying, she was still frustrated, she know just didn't know what to do next. What the next step would be for her.

"So are we implying that I'm in love with Gilbert Blythe?" Anne asked through the tears she was just laughing at herself now.

"Anne we knew you loved that boy the second we got the call saying you hit him over the head," Marilla said with a smile. The three of them laughed together.

"Should I not ignore it?" Anne asked.

"Anne, look how much it's hurting you to ignore it," Marilla said, Anne thought about it she was right.

"Okay, then just maybe, I like Gilbert Blythe." The three smiled, relief. "Just maybe."

Marilla and Matthew left the room soon after. Leaving Anne to her thoughts.

"Maybe they were lying," she said whispering to herself. Her voice of reason gave up, there was no reply. She was alone once again.

an: if i don't change anything about the next chapter,, get your inhalers ready