FORBIDDEN

Ch 10

Running as far as I could, as fast as I could I found myself again lost in the forest feeling more comfortable here than behind some castle walls. I guess that is what happens when you spend most of your life running and hiding to stay alive. But, now Im just standing here lost in a northern forest looking up at the moon. It's been hours since I ran from Nicolae's arms after he saved me again from my doom. 

Wanting to end the fight between friends over me  I attempted to leap out of my window, missing completely my goal I fell to what I thought was my death, but nick's faster reaction to me saved me from the 50 plus foot drop, I normally can leap that far and make it. I've had to do it many of times getting away from hunters before. I can't understand why now it didn't work. 

Perhaps I have allowed my emotions to get the better of me with the "boys".

I think to myself.  "How can I let myself become weak and dependent of them, I won't allow it I can't I still need to be alert and able to fight and or hide if needed," I tell myself.

The guys are beginning to grow on me, but I can't let it. Whatever or whomever the seer was, is to me doesn't matter. my memories tell me other stories and those are all I know. so if nick's words are right and she was my mother then so be it, but I don't know her.  All I do know is that I need to figure this out on my own.  I need to know what the enemy wants and then use it to lure them in and take them down. 

I sit staring up at the moon letting my thoughts take me by hand and work out some kind of plan a plan that will work for me and with the help of the brothers and Sebastian it is possible to work. 

"the rest can wait," I tell myself knowing exactly what I am talking about " My feelings" I scoff at myself thinking this is impossible to say the lease that last person I had a feeling for died from the vampires hunting us humans. he tried to save me and hide me, and in the process lost his life right before my eyes. 

"my heart can take losing one more person," I whisper to myself. 

pulling my knees up against me and folding my arms to rest atop of them I lower my head and rest it on my arms. Curled up I rest there just letting the light of the moon light up the night, feeling the cooler air. for some reason this part of the forest as not been touch by the snow falling around us, now that I think about it the whole area has no snow what so ever. everything is green but when you look out past our border you can see the massive amounts of snow falling. Maybe this is why we are so well hidden, the magic in this place maybe why I can't do the same things as I could before alone in the woods.  I sigh again a breath of relief really this time. 

I'm not ready to head back, but I have been out here for hours the brothers must be beside themselves wondering about me not to mention Sebastian. 

As endearing as that is I still don't want to go back. I'm enjoying my alone time thinking and gathering myself in this way. 

"Who am I?" I ask myself  "why does everyone want me, to kill or to protect"? I ask myself trying to figure out more things out.

my eyes open watching the light breeze blow the tall grasses around me soothing my internal thoughts. I stop thinking, stop asking things and watch the grasses blow by. this night reminds me of the days before we had to fear of being hunted. my mother or at least the women who raised me would braid my hair when I sat like this near her, watching the fireplace on cold nights. the cabin in the woods of northern states was where I grew and spent all my time, maybe that's why I feel safer here. 

I know every tree, grass, and animal to say the less out here. perhaps this is an advantage for me in defeating the enemies who hunt us. or it's my only salvation in these times because I have no idea what to do to kill or when against these animals who have lived centuries compared to me.