Force connections

Time apart

It was a long time until I saw her again.

In that time I dreamt of her often. Sometimes it was more like a nightmare and I would watch as the pretorian guards killed her in front of me. Sometimes it would be Snoke that killed her and sometimes even I would be the one to end her life. I would wake from these nightmares drenched in sweat and shaking.

And then I had other dreams. Dreams in which we were together. To start with these dreams were quite innocent. I would dream that she had agreed to join me and I would see us holding hands whilst she stared tenderly into my eyes with all the love and care that she had looked at me with when she came to the supremacy. But soon I began to dream of touching her. All of my years of sexual frustration toying with me in my sleep. Sometimes I would dream that she was in my bed, allowing me to run my hands all over her and feel what a woman felt like. In other dreams she would be touching me, exploring my body. I would wake up breathing heavily my erection aching slightly with the need for the relief that I denied myself over and over again. I could not give in to it now. I was at my weakest and I needed every bit of strength that I could muster just to get through.

During the days I carried on in front of everybody else as if nothing had changed, apart from the fact that I was now the Supreme Leader but inside I was dying. I remembered what Rey had said about never feeling so alone and here I was feeling that exact same way with nobody to tell me that I was not alone.

Sometimes at night I would weep. I wanted so badly to reach out to her, to see her again. I didn't know how and I wondered what I would even say to her if I did. All of my anger towards her had gone and all I wanted now was her to comfort me and tell me that everything would be okay. Part of me hated this weakness that she had created within me but another part of me could not let it go.

One night as I lay in my bed trying to sleep I suddenly had a startling thought. What if she thought about me too? What if she had the sort of dreams that I had about her? I sat up, my heart thudding. The thought was so erotic that I felt myself stiffen under the sheets almost immediately. Just to imagine that she might be thinking about me in the same way drove my hand to slide down under the sheets and press on my erection through my underwear. I let out a moan at the sensation and closed my eyes. Just recently my desires concerning her had become so intense that I had taken to the odd touch here and there. I decided it was okay as long as it did not result in a release. That was what would make me weak. I pressed down my hand again, feeling a surge of pleasure rush through my body, my breath catching in my throat. Again I pressed down, harder this time my fingers slightly cupping the outline and squeezing. I groaned, fighting the desire to continue. I quickly lifted my hand back on top of the covers, my breathing heavy, still feeling the waves of pleasure throbbing in my most sensitive area. As I lay there, trying to sleep, I grasped my hands together across my stomach, afraid that if I let one of them go it would head back down to continue what I had started. But then as I shut my eyes I began to think about the times that I had been near her. I remembered when I interrogated her. How heavy her breathing was and how soft her skin looked. I remembered when I carried her on board my cruiser. How little she was. Her eyes were closed and her mouth slightly open. I had laid her down on one of the bunks and then I had stood for a moment looking at her and I was taken by her beauty. I remembered when she had come to Supremacy and had stood so close to me in the lift. I thought about the feelings that I had had towards her. I thought about her lips, soft hair and her hazel eyes and suddenly my hand was sliding down again under the covers. I rested it on top of my erection and moaned at the contact. This time I held my hand still, just applying pressure and it was all that I could do to stop myself from bucking against my own hand. I thought of my dreams of her. Not the nightmares as I should've thought of to stop my own lust, but the ones when she was touching me and I was touching her. They had seemed so real. I had felt her hand on my stomach sliding down and then back up to my chest. I had felt her lips on mine kissing me and then kissing my neck. And when I touched her, I had dragged my fingers up her arms and then touched her breasts. The thought of that drove me to move my hand slightly, sliding it up and down whilst applying pressure, feeling myself twitch under my touch, a groan escaping my lips. I carried on moving my hand up and down, all the time scolding myself and my actions. But thinking of her, it felt almost impossible for me to stop. Soon I was gripping both sides of myself through my underwear, my thumb holding one side and my fingers tucked around the other driving up and down creating waves of pleasure which spread through my body like fire. I heard myself make a noise that I had never heard before, A heavy shaky breath and moan combined.  I opened my eyes for a moment and then felt them flutter closed again almost as if I was not in control.  My heart was thumping in my chest and my breathing was heavy. How much longer can I do this without reaching a release I absentmindedly wondered.  This was the furthest I had gone so far and it felt better than I could've imagined. I was keeping up a steady rhythm now and the pleasure was becoming more and more intense, causing me to cry out softly every time a wave pushed over my body. Suddenly almost without warning my mind drifted to what Snoke had told me and also my uncle before him "As soon as you give in to lust and have your release you will half in strength".  My hand stopped abruptly. I was panting, trying to force myself to move my hand away. I had pushed it too far this time. It took everything in me to lift my hand from myself and place it back on top of the sheets.  I lay there, pleasure still throbbing through my errection, waiting for my breathing to regulate.  I squeezed my eyes shut and thumped my fist down hard on the bed, my frustration threatening to take over.  I wanted to see her.  No, I needed to see her.