Force connections

Trying to lead

I took a moment to gather my thoughts and steady my emotions before I placed my helmet on, picked up my lightsaber and left.

I called all the knights into the main hall.  I stood at the head of the table and watched as one by one they sat down.  Suddenly I noticed an empty seat. "Where is Teekado?" I asked sternly through my mask, scanning the faces of the other knights.  They all shook their heads in unison, shrugging their shoulders, "He's gone missing Master.  He wasn't in his bed this morning", Sammat, a tall, heavily scarred knight said from the other end of the table.  I nodded, feeling a knot in my stomach.  I knew Teekado would be troublesome.   We carried on without him.  We mapped out the whereabouts of the First Order base and then we discussed our weaponry  and collective capabilities.  The meeting went on for the whole morning and all the way through it my mind drifted back to Rey, and Teekado.  By lunch we had covered as much as I thought we could, tomorrow I said we would commence battle training.

I ate lunch and then headed back to my room, stripping off to the waist and examining the injury Teekado had given me.  I sat on the bed and subconsciously my mind drifted to Rey, had she seen the pilot again?  I felt confident that she hadn't spent anymore intimate time with him as I'd felt nothing from her all day but still my jealousy was enough to make me actively seek her out, my eyes squeezed shut. 

I found her sitting in a beautiful flower meadow.  Her knees pulled up to her chest, her head resting on her knees, her eyes shut.  She looked so beautiful.  I had a moment to admire her before her eyes opened and fell on me.  For a moment we just stared at each other.  "You looked beautiful sat there" I said without thinking. Rey blushed, her eyes on my bare chest, "You look pretty amazing sat there too.  Oh Ben! What happened to your side?" she said, her eyes coming to rest on the inflamed skin which surrounded the injury Teekado had inflicted.  "It's nothing" I said quickly.  Whatever this was between myself and Rey, I didn't want her knowing what I was doing, I had to maintain some distance.  She nodded and then reached out and took my hand.  My skin was cold but her hand warmed it.  She raised my hand to her lips and then kissed it gently, sending a shudder up my spine, "Ben I'm so sorry about Poe.  I, I just felt so alone and to start with he just held me but then he started touching me.." I pulled my hand away roughly, balling it into a fist, why did she think I wanted to hear about her time with him?  Rey swallowed hard and lay down amongst the flowers, "So you've not been with anyone else then?" Rey asked quietly.  I thought about this question for a moment. It hadn't crossed my mind to try to find anyone else. I was pretty sure that even if I had been in a city full of women I wouldn't have spent time with anyone else. In my mind we were bonded, she was the one woman in the galaxy that I was meant to be with and, even if I couldn't be with her physically then I just assumed that we still had our bond, that we were still tied together. "Ben?" she whispered, snapping me out of my thoughts. My eyes flew to hers and I shook my head quickly, biting the inside of my mouth, feeling stupid for having been so committed to the bond. Rey nodded, dropping her eyes before she asked "Why? You were the one who didn't want to be with me, I, I thought you would want someone else, maybe someone with the same beliefs as you?", I stood up quickly, anger fuelling me, "I haven't been thinking about that! I've been training, trying to turn things around and I was doing well until I started feeling you! For what I'm doing I need the force but that means that forever I'm going to be tied to you, feeling every damn time that pilot touches you!" I screamed. Rey recoiled at my outburst, "What are you doing?" She asked quietly, her face nervous. I swallowed hard, my breathing ragged, "That doesn't matter". Rey stood then, coming to stand just in front of me, her head leant back, eyes on my face, "Ok I want to get this straight. You still can't be with me because you have other plans, but you don't want anyone else and you don't want me to have anyone else either. But you accept that in order to have force powers, for whatever it is you're doing ,you have to maintain this bond with me?" Rey said exasperated, her hands in the air. I had heard what she said, heard how ridiculous it all sounded and how unreasonable and yet I remained motionless, my eyes on the ground. Rey gently took my hand, "Ben?", I looked into her eyes, "If I promise not to be with anyone else and if you do the same, can we just have this? You do what you need to do, wherever you are and I'll do what I need to do and then we can just talk, like this. I've missed this" Rey whispered. I dropped my eyes, thinking for a moment and then I raised them to meet hers again, "Ok" I said simply. It seemed like the only way forwards but still the thought of the pilot being around her bugged me. I wished I could bring her here to me but I knew that she would hate what I was becoming again. Rey took my face in her hands and pulled me down to her. I resisted at first, the thought of the pilot still in my head but on her second attempt I gave in, eager to feel her lips on mine again, even if it were just through the force. Our lips touched, softly at first and then more urgently and then suddenly she was gone and I was left alone, sat on my bed, my breath escaping in ragged huffs.