Force connections

Rey

I woke the next morning and lay for a moment thinking about the night before. I had almost gone too far, I knew that. It took me two hours to fall asleep and now I felt tired. I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my face wearily.  Today I had to go and inspect the new weapons that had been built for the first order but I didn't feel like it. I just wanted to lose myself again in pleasure, whilst thinking about her.

After I had showered and eaten breakfast I headed to the hanger and stood next to the pale figure of Hux.  He turned to face me and I felt his eyes running over my features "You look tired Supreme Leader" he said in a voice dripping with poison. I turned to face him and looked him squarely in his eyes, causing him to look away "I am fine" I stated turning my attention back to the fleet of new ships and weapons " I wasn't checking that you were okay Supreme Leader, I was merely stating a fact. I can't help but notice that you are distracted".  I turned quickly, probably too quickly and he took a step back "Watch how you speak to me general, remember who I am now"I said, my eyes boring into his. He simply nodded and took a step away from me his eyes staring into space.

After that I attended a meeting where we discussed our next move with regards to locating the resistance. We had no leads on where they were and that annoyed me. I slammed my fist down on the table and watched the others jump and lower their eyes. Yes, I was back to being a monster again without her.

By the evening I was tired, more tired than I had been first thing when I had crawled out of bed and I retired to my private quarters, the beginnings of a headache thumping in my temples.

I stripped off down to my underwear and lay down on my bed, allowing my eyes to flutter closed.  Soon I was asleep. And then the nightmare began.

She was with me. Stood looking at the new weapons as I had been earlier that day. I looked down and saw that our hands were linked. She was smiling at me and I was smiling at her. I felt warm and happy and safe. Suddenly I saw her eyes change. She was staring at me so intently. "What's wrong?" I said. She just shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes "I can't stay here with you. I have looked into your mind and seen all the terrible things that you have done and I can't stay here with you because of them." I began to cry, tears rushing down my face as she pulled her hand away from mine "Please, please don't leave me. I have nothing here without you" I begged. She continued to move away from me and soon she was just a blur in the distance and I was alone again and screaming.

I sat up on my bed my heart thumping wildly, tears running down my cheeks, a sob escaping my lips.  Is that how it will really go I wonder desperately. That she will remember all the terrible things I have done and leave? I wiped at my eyes and then slowly lay back down, sniffing . I had just closed my eyes when they flew open again. I had heard a humming noise.  A noise that I knew well and had waited for for months.  I sat up and looked around "Ben?" I hear. Her voice sounds different, filled with worry.  "Ben?" I hear again.  I look around, trying to find out if I'm imagining it, "Rey?"

And then I saw her.  She was sat right in front of me, almost as though she were sat on my bed.  For a moment we just stared at each other.  It had been almost a year since we had last seen each other and now here she was, more beautiful than I could even remember.  Her face was full of concern and she leant down towards me until her face was inches from mine, making my heart rate accelerate wildly, "Ben I felt your loneliness, it surrounded me as if I might drown. Are you ok?". I should have relished her concern but instead I found myself closing up from her, "I'm fine" I said simply, my eyes staying down, avoiding her gaze. "Ben? Please tell me" I heard her say. I swallowed hard, wringing my hands, I didn't know what to say. Suddenly Rey's hand was resting on top of mine. I jumped at the contact, it was as if she was there and my eyes flew up to hers. For a moment I couldn't speak, I swallowed hard "I just had a nightmare, that's all" I replied lowering my eyes and looking at her hand resting on mine. It looked so small. Her thumb began brushing backwards and forwards across the back of my hand, sending shivers up and down my spine. I shuddered, my whole body responding to her touch. I glanced up at her, embarrassed but she was just staring at me, her beautiful eyes roaming over my face, "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly. I did, I really wanted to tell her everything but instead I shook my head slowly, my eyes on hers. Her fingers pushed between my two hands and gripped mine and I shuddered again, "Ben I've felt this loneliness many times since I last saw you and it's so intense that I can't breathe. I need to know you're ok". I stared at our hands intertwined and nodded, " I, I'm fine" . I raised my eyes slowly and looked into hers. Her eyes were so full of concern, "Ok" was all she said but she made no move to take her hand from mine and we sat in silence for a few minutes. "Ben?" Rey said gently, I looked into her eyes "I controlled this force connection. I made this happen". Surprised I looked up at her, she was able to do this? "I have tried many times to find you Ben but this was the first time that I saw you", I continued staring at her, I felt totally inferior, I wouldn't have dreamt of trying to find her and yet here she was, in front of me because she had cared enough to try. I opened my mouth but no words came out, "I've felt other things too Ben " she said softly. I wrinkled my brow, wondering what she would say but nothing could prepare me for what came next. "I, I've felt your pleasure too" she stumbled, her eyes dropping downwards. I snatched my hands away from her, feeling my cheeks flush, shame creeping through my body. I wasn't meant to experience pleasure, very less let another know. Rey's eyes widened and she reached for my hands again but I pulled them away and quickly stood up from the bed. I saw her eyes briefly sweep over me, reminding me that I was in my underwear and then she was gone and I was alone.