Force connections

Getting to know each other

Over the next week I tried to concentrate on training the other knights.  Teekado still hadn't returned.  That fact played heavy on my mind, where was he?  At night I would toss and turn, my mind running at one hundred miles an hour.  I would think about Teekado and what he might be planning, I would think about Rey and our agreement.  Every night this week I had thought about going to her but something was stopping me and I wasn't sure what it was.

I had trained the men for a full seven days now and had been impressed with their eagerness to learn.  I wasn't sure of my next move if I was honest.  I knew we couldn't take on the First Order, not the eight of us.  Suddenly, lying there on my bed a thought struck me like lightning.  Could the knights of Ren work with the resistance?  I didn't want to be part of the resistance but could we work with them to accomplish our same goal, to wipe out the First Order?  Afterwards we could come to some mutual agreements about what happens and how.  I sat up, would Rey or the other knights agree to it?  I wasn't sure.  I closed my eyes and headed for Rey's light.

When I opened my eyes I realised that I was sat on a bed in a room lit by moonlight.  A noise next to me.  Rey lay there, curled up under the covers, sleeping soundly, facing me, her little cheeks pink, her hair splayed out over the pillow.  I slowly laid down next to her.  My head had just hit the pillow when Rey's eyes snapped open.  At first she looked afraid and then her face softened and she smiled a sleepy smirk at me.  I brushed a rogue piece of hair from her face and for a while we just stared at each other.  I looked at her lips.  I leant to her and we kissed, a slow familiar rhythm, both of our bodies responding.  After several moments we pulled apart, both breathless from the act.  "I thought you had forgotten about me" she whispered referring to the week that had passed since I last saw her.  I shook my head.  It was impossible to forget her, god knows I'd tried.  I thought about putting my proposition to her but I decided that I needed more time, I needed to reaffirm our bond or I felt certain that she would walk away.  "Can I ask you some questions and then you can ask me?" She asked quietly.  I nodded, not certain I liked this game but keen to keep her on side.  "When you felt my pleasure what did it feel like?" She asked shyly, blushing.  I bit the inside of my mouth, not wanting to think about what she had been doing with the pilot to make me feel that way. "It felt as though I were being touched but I wasn't". I answered quickly, looking in her eyes.  She nodded, "did you, uh, did you get your release?" Again I had to bite hard in my mouth, the question angered me, the fact that I had the first time told me that the pilot had given her hers and I hated that.  I nodded, not trusting myself to answer.  "Rey nodded again, "Ok you go" she said.  I thought about what I wanted to ask her and was annoyed to find that my main question was about the pilot. I cleared my throat, "Why did" I stopped, my lip trembling, swallowing hard, "Why did you do what you did with the pilot" I finished, embarrassed to find tears filling my eyes. I climbed off the bed quickly, turning away from her. She had hurt me more than she would ever know. Rey had seen the tears and heard the pain in my voice and now she was on her feet, reaching out to me and turning me towards her, pulling my head to rest in her neck, her other hand finding its way into my hair, smoothing it with her familiar touch. At first I stood silently, my arms rigidly by my sides, feeling tears running from my eyes into her soft neck, "Ssh" She soothed. I lifted my arms to encircle her waist, "Ben I was lost, that's why I did it. Lost without you and terribly lonely again. We had lost so many of our people too. Death and sorrow were consuming me and then Poe started being so kind to me" I flinched at the mention of his name and I felt her soft lips kiss my cheek, "It never felt right Ben, me and him". I lifted my head rather too quickly, hitting her chin with my forehead, "It felt like you were enjoying him touching you, especially the first time" I retorted, feeling that now all too familiar knot of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. Rey looked up at me, her beautiful face full of sadness, "Ben the first time I was doing most of the touching, he, he wanted to watch me, I gave myself my release, not him". I looked at her for a moment, wishing I knew if she were telling the truth or lying, wishing that I had gone to her that time too. Finally I nodded, hanging my head. Rey pulled me back to the bed and we sat down facing each other. "What other questions do you have for me?" Rey asked quietly. I avoided her gaze, my eyes on the sheets, thinking. Finally I lifted my eyes to hers, "When you went to the First Order base, you said Hux escaped?". For a moment Rey looked a little relieved at the question but then her brows drew together as she answered, "Yes. We took out some of the weaponry and then when I landed I tried to find you but you weren't there. I went into the base alone, most of the troops were busy with our resistance fighters, there was hardly anyone inside. I found him in his quarters, packing a bag, obviously ready to leave and I confronted him. I drew a blaster on him but then I was distracted by a noise and he kicked it out of my hand and ran, I was alone and couldn't regain my balance and capture him. So yes, he did get away" she finished, the resentment towards my not being there clear in her words and her tone. "My turn" Rey said stiffly. I nodded. "What did you think the first time you saw me? You know, in the forest on Takodana". The change in direction threw me for a moment although I was pleased to move onto something lighter, "I thought.......I thought you were beautiful" I said, a little embarrassed, feeling my face flush. Rey smiled then, "Did you think about girls before me?" She asked. I considered this for a moment and then shook my head, "Not really. I had always been told to keep myself pure, to harness all of my powers". Rey nodded. It was my turn then, "What did you think when you first saw me?" I asked, unsure how she would respond. Rey smiled again, "When you took off your helmet I thought you looked like a prince from a fairytale" Rey whispered, a giggle playing at her lips. The irony of what she had said hit us both and we both began to laugh, an action I had not done for a very long time. Seeing me laugh seemed to delight Rey and she threw her arms around me, kissing my cheeks all over, making me laugh harder. Finally we composed ourselves. A question had popped into my mind, a question that had taken me by surprise "When did you start loving me?" I asked, my voice quiet. Rey looked momentarily surprised and then answered softly, her hand stroking my hair, "When our hands touched, when I saw our futures linked and then when I felt your pleasure. It was as if I was you and all of a sudden you weren't a monster, you were a man who was capable of receiving pleasure and that made me love you with everything I had". Hearing Rey so openly discuss her love for me made my heart swell and I leant in and kissed her. "When did you start loving me Ben?" She asked, her voice a whisper. "In the throne room" I said quietly. Rey kissed me then, her eyes full of emotion.  We sat in silence for a while, our fingers linked and then suddenly she was gone and I was alone again.