Force connections

A no win situation

I couldn't sleep.  This was a no win situation.  She wouldn't leave her damn resistance, especially now that my mother was gone.  The thought of my mother brought that horrible dragging feeling back to my stomach and I pushed it away quickly.  I had to stay focused, what was I going to do?  My time here was running out.  Hux would be busy putting the wheels in motion to bring about my demise.  Rey wouldn't leave with me and there was no way I would join her precious resistance.  I thought about that for a moment.  Even if I did go with Rey, the pilot and the traitor would never accept my presence, they would make my life hell.  I turned on my side, irritated at the thought of seeing them again, coming to them with my tail between my legs.  I had no doubt that they would turn me back over to the First Order without hesitation.  Then I thought of Rey and my irritation spiked further.  I had killed Snoke for her and she had refused to commit to me and now I was telling her that I would leave everything here to be with her and still she refused me.  A sudden thought rushed into my mind. If I killed all of her resistance then she would have no reason to resist me.  But then the thought of the pain that it would cause her came into my head and I quickly pushed the plan away.  I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep knowing that only nightmares would be waiting for me.

I had done it, slaughtered every last one of the resistance.  Their blood was everywhere.  I looked down at my hands, they were slick with blood.  I heard crying and looked up.  Rey was sat on the ground rocking slightly, her knees drawn up under her chin, her arms wrapped around them.  I walked forwards and reached out to touch her shoulder but she withdrew violently and turned to look at me.  I recoiled at the sight of her.  Her face was covered in blood and her eyes were wild, "You are a murderer, a monster, don't touch me!" She screamed at me, slapping at my hand and then suddenly I was reaching for my saber and driving it into her chest and watching her blood flow out over the floor, more and more of it until I was ankle deep in it and then I started to scream and scream.

I woke up with a jolt and sat up quickly my heart thumping in my chest, feeling the sweat roll down my stomach. My mind played out my nightmare again, Rey screaming at me, her utter despair at what I had done and then my saber disappearing into her chest. And suddenly it was upon me.  I had to go to her, my nightmare had shown me what would happen if I destroyed the resistance and it had also made it clear that if they died then she would want to die too, it would destroy her and I couldn't let that happen. I sighed, resigned to the facts, with my mind still fighting the plan.  How on earth could I exist alongside the members of the resistance? But then a little voice in my head whispered, 'and how can you survive here?'. A bead of sweat ran down my forehead and I reached my hand up to wipe it away, but before I reached it, another, softer hand was there, carefully pushing my damp hair from my eyes. I turned to see Rey kneeling next to me on the bed.