Force connections

Confronting her

When I woke the next morning I lay for a moment, my stomach churning, thinking of the night before.  I had so much to do, so much to think about. I had men who were now looking to me for ideas and leadership and yet my mind was solely on her and what she had done.

I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and rubbing my eyes wearily.  I knew I should just leave it, but how could I?  Unless I closed off my force powers I would feel it anytime he got near her again.  The thought drove me to thump my fist hard onto the mattress.  I had to see her, I had to confront her.

I dressed and then sat on the edge of the bed with my eyes squeezed shut, looking for her light.  Suddenly it appeared and I rushed towards it in my mind.  I found her standing in some sort of bathroom, facing away from me and looking into the mirror, smoothing down fly away strands of hair.  She jumped, a little gasp escaping her lips as I appeared in the mirror behind her.  She spun on her heel her eyes wide, "Ben, wha.." she began.  I grabbed her arm, closing the gap between us and pushing her against the mirror.  I felt her flinch at my touch but she didn't fight it, "Why him?" I asked, my jealousy bubbling inside me.  Her face changed, her brows knitting together, "The pilot, why?" I demanded.  Rey's mouth fell open then, "How?" She stuttered. I forced her back harder against the mirror until our faces were only inches apart, "I saw you, last night" I said, struggling to maintain my composure.  She remained silent, her chest rising and falling rapidly and then she suddenly shouted into my face, taking me by surprise "Why not him Ben!  You left me, walked away".  I swallowed hard, I knew she was right and yet somehow it didn't make me feel any happier about seeing her with someone else.  "Ben you broke my heart" she went on, her lip quivering, tears filling her eyes.  I dropped my gaze, my hands loosening their grip on her, "I felt it.  Twice I've felt it, your pleasure" I lifted my eyes to her, feeling tears burning there and seeing them fall freely from her eyes.  "Was it him? Both times?" I asked, hardly daring to hear the answer.  Rey nodded and I dropped my eyes again, my own lip quivering as I fought to hold back tears, "Last night was the first time we, you know, the first time he put it inside me" she said, trailing off and blushing wildly.  She jumped as I thumped the mirror behind her and a tear fell from my eye.  "I stopped it, Ben I stopped it.  I told him I loved you, that I couldn't continue.  Ben I do, I love you so much, I miss you" she said softly, her voice cracking and a sob leaving her throat.  I looked at her, feeling tears running down my cheeks, tasting them on my tongue.  Suddenly her hands were in my hair and I felt her pull me down to her.  I hesitated for a moment but then gave in.  I had missed her too and now even the smallest contact from her made my heart thump.  I rested my head on her shoulder as she ran her fingers through my hair.  "Ben I know you say I make you weak, I know you say you won't fight with me but please stay with me, I don't want to lose you, even if this is all we have, these force connections".  I stayed quiet, everything in me told me to say no, to keep away.  But being there, leaning into her neck, smelling her as if she were really there I felt suddenly powerless.  After the days of abusing my body, to be held so tenderly felt amazing.  Finally she pulled away, looking up at me.  "I love you" She whispered.  I nodded, feeling tears burning my eyes again as I answered, "I love you too".  And then she was gone.