Force connections

She's gone

Rey appeared in front of me and immediately I could tell that something was wrong.  "What is it?" I asked, surprised by the rush of anxiety that flowed through me just seeing her like that.  She walked towards where I sat then and now I could see the tears flowing down her face and I knew that it was my mother.  I felt a strange dropping feeling in my stomach and I swallowed hard feeling suddenly as if I couldn't breathe.  "It's my mother isn't it?" I asked, hearing my voice break as I finished, the hot sting of tears suddenly at the back of my eyes.  I watched her nod and then suddenly she was kneeling at my feet pulling me down to the floor so that I was sat with her. I looked at her for a moment. Her eyes were brimming with tears and as I blinked I realised that mine were too. Both our tears flowed down our cheeks. Her hands went into my hair and pulled my head to her shoulder. It was as if she were there and the sudden and still alien feeling of human contact made my heart thump in my chest. She was gone then. My mother was gone. I pictured her face when she had told me that she loved me.  Suddenly a sob escaped my lips, taking me by surprise. Rey held me tighter as I felt my emotions get the better of me and I began to cry into her shoulder, my body shaking with the effort of it, "Shh it's ok Ben, I'm here, it's ok" she soothed, her voice full of emotion. I wondered briefly if she could feel my pain in that moment. "Ben she died peacefully, I was with her" Rey said, her hands running gently through my hair. I nodded and lifted my head, suddenly uncaring that she would see my emotions and weakness and watched her eyes study my damp cheeks and tousled hair and then she leant down and kissed my lips gently. At first I didn't respond, slightly taken aback by her actions but then I pulled her to me again and this time I kissed her, my tongue pushing gently into her mouth. She responded and turned into me as I wrapped my arms around her back, feeling her warmth as if she was there.  When we broke apart we sat for a moment in each other's arms, our teary eyes dancing with each other's, "Hux, my General knows" I said suddenly.  Rey narrowed her eyes "About us?" she asked quietly.  I nodded solemnly, although I loved the way she said "us".  She nodded, lowering her eyes as I continued, "He knows I killed my Supreme Leader as well.  Rey its only a matter of time before he comes for me", her eyes shot up, her tear stained face full of concern, "Ben come here, come here with me" she said quickly reaching up to touch my face.  Without thinking I nuzzled against her hand, enjoying the warmth "I can't join the resistance Rey and they would never accept me" I said, hearing the bitterness in my voice, "Rey" I said holding her beautiful face in my hands "You are all I have now in this entire universe.  Come with me, we could leave, go somewhere quiet.  Please" I begged, feeling a panic rush through me, she couldn't turn me down again, I wasn't sure I could bear it.  She looked in my eyes, "Ben the resistance are my friends, my family", that statement hit me like a kick to the chest and I dropped my hands from her face, "And what am I?" I asked in a harsher tone than I meant to use. She leant away from me then her brow furrowed "Ben, you're my bonded, we share a connection like no one else, but I also love my friends. You're asking me to turn my back on them in their hour of need, now that Leia is gone...." I stood up then feeling my rage growing.  She had come here to tell me about my mother and I had completely fallen apart in front of her, lowered all my defences and now she was walking away again, back to the resistance "So you worry more how they will cope without Leia than how I, her son will cope!" I shouted, surprised by how hurt I felt by her loyalty to them. Rey sat looking up at me, her eyes sparkling with fresh tears "Come with me Ben" she repeated, her voice breaking. I shook my head violently and began to pace. Rey stood and attempted to grab my arm but I pulled  away from her, registering her pain but carrying on regardless "Go back to your precious resistance, lead them to victory!" I shouted waving my arm at her dismissively. I turned away and when I turned back she was gone.