Force connections

A most secret meeting

If I stopped and thought about it, we had been having secret meetings for a long time now through our force bonds but this one was different, very different. I was going to take my tie silencer and fly out to meet Rey at Abafar. From there she would fly me to the base of the resistance where my mother was.  She had told me that I would have to be blindfolded from the ship to my mothers chambers to stop me knowing their location.  I had refused at first, unwilling to be humiliated but then her hand had taken mine, the fingers intertwining and I had agreed to it.

And now here I was one day later, readying my silencer for take off.  I had given no explanation to Hux for my sudden departure and now he stood, his hands on his hips, watching me from the platform above, his pale face cold,his eyes narrowed.  I don't have to give an explanation I reminded myself, I am after all the Supreme Leader. 

I flew to Abafar, checking my radars regularly,making sure that I wasn't being followed.  As the planet came into view my heart began to beat wildly in my chest.  I would see her soon, face to face,and my mother.  I swallowed hard as I entered the planets atmosphere, how would I feel when I saw my mother again after all these years? 

Suddenly I saw the ship that was waiting for me.  It was my fathers ship, the Millennium Falcon.  For a moment I felt like running away, turning my ship around and leaving before she saw me.  But then I remembered the way that she had touched my face and how safe I had felt. I landed on the ground just to the side of my fathers ship and sat for a moment breathing heavily readying myself for what was coming. 

I climbed out and jumped down onto the hard sand. I looked at the Falcon and there she was. Stood at the open doorway just as she had been when she left me on Crait.  This time she was smiling. I tried to smile back at her but my pride wouldn't let me. My heart was beating so wildly that my legs felt weak as I walked towards her. We stopped about a foot apart and looked at each other, she spoke first "You came! For a moment I was worried that you wouldn't. I promise you Ben you've made the right decision", "I almost left again when I saw that piece of junk "I said, gesturing with my head towards my fathers ship.  Rey smiled and then reached out and took my hand, " Come on "she said and I allowed her to lead me inside.

As I walked into the millennium falcon I felt for a moment that I would become overwhelmed. Everything was just as I remembered it, just as it had been the last time I had seen it when I was just a child. Rey must have seen how hard it was for me and she squeezed my hand "It's okay" she said, I nodded and allowed her to lead me into the cockpit, "You can fly up here with me until we get close" she said. I sat down gingerly, noticing my fathers lucky dice hanging above my head. I felt another rush of emotion and turned my head quickly as I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears, I blinked them away as we lifted into the sky.

The flight was short and yet somehow it seemed like an eternity to me. She continued to hold my hand whenever she could but we are both quiet. Every now and then I wondered what on earth I was doing. I had the most incredible urge to tell her to turn the ship back, but I didn't. For some reason I had to do this. "Right, You better go and sit in the back" she said as we began to enter the planets atmosphere. I nodded and went and sat in one of the back rooms. As the ship came down to land I tensed. There were so many things that could go wrong, it was such a risk for both of us. Rey appeared a moment later and I crouched down so that she was able to tie the blindfold over my eyes, securing it behind my head. As she did this I felt another pinch of annoyance, I was the supreme leader, what was I doing!

I walked blindly, allowing her to lead me. More than once I stumbled, cursing loudly. Finally I heard a door open and then close behind me and then all of a sudden the blindfold was lifted off and I was blinded by lights. I stood squinting for a moment, waiting for things to come into focus and then I saw her, my mother.

She was lying on a bed, her face was pale and she was dressed in white robes. Her long hair was twisted up on the top of her head and her eyes were closed.  I stayed stood where I was, rooted to the spot when I felt Rey's hand link with mine and she led me to my mothers bedside.  "Leia?" she whispered. I had to fight the urge to tell her not to wake my mother, I was still terrified of what she would say when she saw me. Suddenly my mothers eyes opened. She looked first at Rey and then slowly her eyes moved to me and she stopped, her mouth falling open wordlessly. I looked back at her and all of a sudden I was so sorry for everything that had happened, everything that I had done and everything that I had taken from her. I felt my knees go weak, I stumbled against her bed.  Rey caught me around the waist and held me there as I felt the tears filling my eyes. This time I could not stop them and they began to roll down my face. My mother was crying too and suddenly her arms were reaching up and pulling me down to her. I didn't resist and allowed her to pull me down so that I was resting on her chest her sobs wracking her body.  I heard a sob escape from my lips.  My first instinct was to scold myself for showing my weakness in front of the enemy but I pushed that away. I was here with my mother and I felt so peaceful. I felt her fingers in my hair, combing it out of my eyes as she spoke "My beautiful boy, how I have missed you". Before I knew what I was doing I was wrapping my arms around her back and pulling her to me. We embraced like that for a long time, both crying into each other shoulders.

Finally I broke away and stood sniffing, my hand running over my mothers cheeks, wiping away the tears.  Another hand rested on my back then and I turned to see Rey, her own face slick with tears. I nodded at her unsure of what else to do, knowing that if I spoke I would break down again.  She seemed to understand and just held her hand there, a show of support that I was grateful for.   "Rey" came Leias weak voice.  I felt Rey lift her hand from my back and she leant down over my mothers bed, "Can I be alone with my son ".  My eyes shot first to my mother and then to Rey.  Rey looked a little unsure but nodded, squeezing my arm as she left the room.  I turned to my mother then, coming to perch on her bed, "My darling boy, first I want to tell you that I love you, I have since the moment you were born. I want you to let Rey in, she loves you, do you know that?",  I swallowed back emotions as I shook my head,  and my mother reached out and took my hand "It is plain for all to see, and you love her too, I see by the way you look at her."  I kept my eyes down and didn't speak but I was listening to it all, "Ben the first order do not care for you, Rey does.  At least let her comfort you, let her in". I raised my eyes to my mothers face and then I spoke, hearing the tremble in my voice "She makes me weak in so many ways mother but I am lost without her.  I am the Supreme Leader, what am I to do?". My mothers eyes were becoming heavy as she lazily stroked my hand, "Ben, happiness, pleasure and love don't make you weak, they make you human".