wonderland • wolfstar

6| love is dead

Sirius head felt like a galaxy. A swirling mass of thoughts in the secrecy of midnight; he absolutely detested it. The process of having to thoroughly read every single thought made him sick to his stomach. There was sin among sin, emotion upon emotion and degrading thoughts wading in their own filth all while his roommates soundly slept. You see, Sirius never 'stopped to think' because always, every single time without fail, he managed to find one more horrible thing about himself. He saw what he was and the disgust that clawed at his chest made his skin crawl.

He lived as not a person, but a toy.

And he did nothing to stop it.

That night it was at its worst with the tangled sheets sticking to Sirius' skin as he lay entirely fixated, eyes blankly staring up at the canopy of his bed. His skin was practically ablaze as the beads of sweat attached themselves firmly to him. He felt vile to put it straight. A crawling bitch sent straight from hell; he couldn't abide it any longer. He shot up fast, perhaps a bit too fast as his head immediately began to nauseatingly spin, and let out a long, much-needed sigh. He opened his curtains and felt his feet drop down on to the cool stone floor. The room was dark, almost black, as Sirius tried to silently pad his way through the dorm, picking up a hoodie to put on over his shirt. He didn't really know what he was going to do before he tripped over a pair of slippers.

"Fuck..."
He stumbled forward, glaring down at James' fluffy shoes. After sparing a fleeting glance at James' bed, he slipped them on and left the room, the door swinging shut with a quiet click.

He'd find something to do somehow.

Remus enjoyed wandering the school at night. It was probably the forbiddingness of walking down the echoey corridors, only the soft sounds of his treading and the whispers of his thoughts accompanying him in the emptiness. He was on the third floor , coming back from the art hall when he heard the tapping of footsteps. In that second, Remus didn't know what to do: it could be Filch and his fucking psycho cat and if it was, then he'd definitely have to make a run for it. But it most likely wasn't, because Remus knew he was probably shagging that foul feline in the teachers' toilets. He was still silently insulting Argus Filch in his head when his attention was brought back to the strange sounds. He held his breath as he turned the corner, poking his head round to see a startled Sirius Black, dressed in silk bottoms and a black hoodie.

"Bloody hell, I thought you were Filch," Sirius breathed, releasing his baited breath. He pressed himself against the stone wall with relief.
"He's too busy fucking his cat," muttered Remus, not really realising what he said before he said it. Sirius' eyes widened in mild shock before his face split in to a smile at the strangely open comment.

There was an awkward exchange greetings before, after a few minutes of painstakingly slow smalltalk, they eased in to a regular conversation.

"What are you doing up at this anyway?" Sirius asked, beginning to walk with Remus down the ancient corridors. He felt sort of stupid in his mismatched outfit and very out of place: Remus looked normal enough in his oversized hoodie, joggers and actual shoes that weren't flimsy slippers nicked from his best mate while they were snoring their bottom off in their bed.

"I don't like sleeping. And I should actually be asking you what you're doing up - I would be exhausted if I had a daily routine as packed as yours."

"I don't like thinking," Sirius responded vaguely. Remus opened his mouth to say something back, but Sirius cut him off before he could.

"Hey, do you wanna go outside?" Sirius' voice had an undertone of gushing excitement. Curious, Remus tilted his head to one side as he noticed Sirius speed slightly ahead, taking a left towards the canopied walkway running around certain classes which exits were outside, though there are ways to get there without crossing through a room.