wonderland • wolfstar

21| in to his craters

Giggling to himself, Sirius pressed his face further down in to his pillow, trying to hide his happiness. James and Peter were sleeping, meaning he didn't want to disturb them, but he was found himself bored and well, apparently so did Remus.

So that's how he found himself in this situation.

It was the third night something like this had happened, where both boys stumbled upon each other's path, and then simple conversations would bloom in to five hour long talks through text.

It was as if they sat on two different planets, up in space and connected by the thin red thread spinning from their pointer fingers. Guardians of their planets, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black flung their gates wide open, but only for each other.

"Sirius."

Startled, Sirius looked up immediately at the newcomer. It was two in the morning, a day after his last late night talk with Remus, and Sirius needed some peace with the wind in his face and the silence of his mind. No feelings, no thoughts - just unmitigated nothingness.

He relaxed at the realisation of who was standing in front of him.

Remus felt a smile naturally fall on to his lips. He sat down beside Sirius (who was sitting crosslegged) on the bench, surveying him discreetly up and down. Something seemed... off.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly, the tone of his voice shudderingly soft. Sirius' heart was lodged in his throat and he couldn't, just couldn't, say anything.

He lifted his shoulders in defeat.

"I don't know anymore."

Heart clenching, Remus watched as the emotion fog over Sirius' silver eyes in the most painful manner.

"What's wrong? What's happened?"

The voice itself clasped Sirius in a warm embrace, and he lovingly fell in to his craters.

Sirius thought of Remus like the moon. Pale and reserved, yes, but undiscovered in a sense. He's unguarded territory, beautiful and strange, worthy of a difference and worthy to know of how much his existence is appreciated. Remus Lupin was deaf to all praise, numb to the compliments, because they just never reached him. However, Sirius was willing to float up out in to his swirling black mass spattered with obscure stars and help him realise that the world down below craves him. Needs him.

Remus moved closer to him, hesitantly. Sirius' eyes flittered along the edge of the bench he was sitting on as he wrapped his arms tighter around himself.

The night was just too cold.

"I miss my brother. I miss being his brother. I haven't been there for him and he's growing up so quickly and I haven't even realised. He's becoming an adult soon and I have no fucking clue when that happened because it's just - it's been too fucking long and I can't keep fucking existing like this. I know I shouldn't be forcing my problems on to you already-"

"Tell me. If you need to get it out, get it out. I'm not gonna judge you or - or make you feel bad or anything. You're important to me, and good for me. I want to make you feel better." Remus was taken aback by the own sound of his voice. It didn't sound like him; he sounded softer, kinder. Like it reflected his true emotions for Sirius.

"If I end up crying during this it's all your fault," sniffled Sirius, who brushed his nose with the back of his hand immediately.

"Crying is fun, I suppose."

"To an extent," Sirius agreed.

A tense quiet fizzled between the two of them and Remus ran his thumb over his bottom lip, fidgeting slightly.

"Can't you talk to him?" softly asked Remus, who wondered if he was truly even helping Sirius. He wanted to, honestly, but Remus had never been good at translating his feelings in to words, or being a reliable person. He always felt as though he was too cold.

He was just a purely horrid person.

"I'm too pussy to do that. It's his birthday in five days though. He's turning sixteen. I want to say something to him, and I should, but... but I'm not sure," Sirius mumbled, unable to complete his sentence. He struggled to find something to contradict himself with, to ground him, keep him wading in safe waters.

"Fuck certainty. Being unsure is fine, alright? Trust me. Being entirely sure limits you, and you are free as the wind."

Sirius' lower lip trembled.

"That's what hurt me to begin with."

With a simple short statement carried an inexplicably large amount hidden emotions. Remus' heart shattered, shards shooting in all directions in the cavity of his chest.

"You need a hug."

Sirius shrugged weakly, turning away promptly as tears began to flood his eyes.

Unable to stand it, Remus leant forward and took the other boy in to his arms, hating the way he felt the figure immediately crumple beneath him.

Sirius knew he was bawling, great sobs shaking in his chest, but Remus didn't tear away from him. Instead, he felt a large hand rub soothingly up and down against his arm. He had a shoulder to cry on, and it was different to any other he'd had before.

The night enveloped the boys in the tightest embrace, holding on to his children with the most care imaginable. He watched them out of his velvet intensity, falling in love with the softness of their bond. Together, a soul, a mind and a heart were finally slotted back in to their rightful places. Together, they were one.

With Remus' warmth passing through to him, Sirius felt safe - he felt wanted, as if he truly and properly belonged.

"Are you alright now?" Remus asked, aware of that fact that Sirius had stopped crying minutes ago

"You're soft, I'll move later," mumbled Sirius sleepily.

"You're warm, and I don't really want you to move," admitted Remus, just as fatigued. The silence the followed was a calm one, of dazed powder blue skies in the middle of the night and the serenity of their minds.

Maybe, Sirius thought as clouds gradually began to sprawl across the slowly lightening sky, silence isn't too bad after all.

thanks for three thousand reads and six hundred votes! i am genuinely mind blown ahhh. this book has been getting so much support lately and that is wiiild. i have to go somewhere with my dad today, and ugh, how fun. sOmEbOdY pRaY fOr Me. idk man i remember having something kool to say here but ya boi forgot oof that's what half four in the morning does to my mind
see you next millennium