Remus wasn't aware of how he should cope, to say the very least. He didn't know how to suppress the crawling beasts of his feelings down in to the very depths of his being. His mind lost the boring tranquillity of its usual place and had now been replaced with the heaviest weight known to mankind, yet he refused to know its name.
All he needed to know is that the feeling made him feel sick and that it was dangerous.
"Ah, Mr Lupin! What wonderful socks you have! They're much like my own," Dumbledore said, lifting his madly printed trousers to reveal a pair of Rudolph the Reindeer socks. Remus looked down at his own snowman pair.
"I wore them in honour of you, sir."
Dumbledore chuckled at the notion.
"Sadly, now is not the time to converse about our stunning socks. A new student, Jini, will be joining our wonderful community. I would like you to give her a tour around. I know you know this school better than most," he hinted, joining his hands together on his desk. Remus flushed. He somehow knew of his nighttime walks, no doubt.
Then Remus felt himself focus on the girl standing beside. Her wide bark-painted eyes bore in to his soul. He straightened up a little nervously. The girl couldn't be older than fourteen, but she seemed to carry a great deal of wisdom with her, so much so that he couldn't help but feel intimidated.
"Professor Dumbledore told me that you write all of Hogwarts' in plays? What's that like?"
Jini seemed to have warmed up a few minutes in to their tour, though Remus was still in a very confused mood. His head still bloomed with unanswered questions and he really wasn't certain whether he could successfully bother with humanity, let alone an attack of questions.
"It's fun. I enjoy it," Remus answered simply.
"And the one in process is Nature's Sound. About an environmentalist and a pianist, right? And they fall in love! That's beautiful!"
"Um, this is one of our Science classrooms. Professor Slughorn teaches Chem here. And if you're extra good, he invites you to some frivolous party with fancy cakes and nice chocolate ice cream," he drawled, pushing open a heavy door to reveal a classroom strongly smelling of vinegar and flames for some strange reason.
"Have you ever been?"
"I still go sometimes, but not very often. I don't like the socialising aspect of it," he admitted, looking down at her with a sheepish smile on his face.
"I probably wouldn't like it, socialising isn't my thing, but sometimes I get oddly chatty and it's sometimes really embarrassing and I'm sorry if I'm asking too many questions or annoying you because I promise I'm not intentionally trying to do it, but it sometimes just happened," blabbered Jini who then immediately cringed inside: she knew what she had just done.
"It's - its fine, you're alright. I'm enjoying myself."
No, actually, Remus Lupin was not enjoying himself. He didn't care for walking around the whole school again with only an incredibly short girl as company because somehow, painted images of Sirius fiddling with door knobs or flashing a heart-stopping grin keep sashaying their way in to his mind as if they belong there.
They don't.
Or maybe, he realised, they shouldn't.
"It's quite a good idea to join clubs you're interested in straightaway because um, you have a better chance of actually getting in and you can explore your choices and make new friends."
"Making new friends? How does that work?"
Remus shrugged, relating to Jini on a spiritually high level.
"I joined as a playwright in second year and usually, they pick fifth years and stuff, but I really wanted to do it, Professor McGonagall really wanted me to do it, so I fucking poured my soul in to the piece I sent to the seventh years running it and for fuck's sake, it was bad as hell. But I'm here now, somehow still writing plays and having friends." Remus opened a door to lead down a corridor to Ravenclaw Tower, taking no notice of the expletives that naturally fell from his lips.
Jini thoughtfully sighed, admiring not only the large stone archways but the scenario she had painted in her head.
"I quite like that. If you really want something, you've got to make an effort to try and obtain it. The results could be good or bad, but I don't think it could ever be too bad. You learn something from it and you become aware of the way you fight. How strong you are."
Remus' heart slowed as they walked dow the corridor, the words hitting in much differently than Jini had probably ever expected.
If he really wanted it, he'd have to make an effort. But he couldn't. That would be impossible, surely. Besides, he didn't even want it - couldn't want it. But the risk seemed to seep in to his blood anyway, the horrible mixture blending in with his sanity, his morality, and forever tainting him.
One's own power is never to be opposed, yet still, he dared.
Remus' conscience dragged him out of his trance and back in to the disgusting real world.
Closely inspecting the wall, Jini traced her finger around the engraved words.
I HATE SCRAPING GUM
She smiled at it, content.
"Um, here we have the art studio..."
She turned back to Remus in surprise, his presence having slipped from her mind. He sure had been quiet and the rosy tint steadily growing on his cheeks didn't assist her through her confusion.
"I don't even fucking know what I'm doing here with you right now," Sirius mumbled as Marcus tugged his hoodie off for him.
"You missed me." Marcus ran his hands over Sirius chest and over his abdomen, inspiring little goosebumps to prickle over Sirius' blemished skin.
He hated how his body reacted to the touches of the people he hated, yet depended on to some degree. They were distracting with their rough pulls and sharp bites, but that was all Sirius needed at times. Distractions to distract him from the distraction that took place in the form of Remus Lupin.
Now, Sirius wouldn't say that it was Remus' fault he was the way he was, because he'd be lying: the truth was far different and far more filthy.
"I didn't miss you. I was horny and I was going to go wank but then you texted and I decided I could settle for sub par sex."
"Sub par?" Marcus mumbled in to Sirius' neck, chuckling to himself at how the vibrations set the little bitch off.
"Sub par," Sirius repeated as he struggled to keep his voice steady.
"Don't be an idiot." He yanked hard on Sirius' hair as he presses his lips against his once more, the fire between them being most unsatisfactory.
thank you for three hundred votes! super happy with it. sorry for the late chapter, i've been out for most of the time these past few days and have been typing in spare moments. i wrote like seven hundred words tonight tho so #thankgodforsleeplessnights
jkjk, guys, sleep is important. sleep is wonderful and you deserve a nice night full of sleep. here's a nice warm glass of milk in case you ever need it: 🥛
or maybe you can think of it as a lovely big glass of cu-
see you next millennium
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wonderland • wolfstar
Fanfiction"i don't know, it's just that neverland and wonderland are so easily confused." remus had an obsession with writing plays. being able to see them spring to life with the assistance of hogwarts' talented drama attendants was all it took for him to sn...
