Remus sighed contentedly, letting his brush glide against the rough of his canvas, bleeding an ocean of vibrant colour. He was sitting on the wide ledge near the window, letting the glowing amber of the setting sun spill through and all over his creation, layering the hues of emerald and cerulean and plum with a tint of peach.
He needed a few moments completely distraction-free, as he hadn't seemed to have any for days. He remembered sketching out his drawing a few months back, telling himself that he'd get round to painting it soon, but the small canvas had been stowed away in his wardrobe, collecting mounds upon mounds of dust. Accidentally stumbling across it while searching frantically for his Maths homework, he only thought about it for a second or two before deciding that the untainted ivory canvas with only a few (hardly noticeable) pencil marks on it unnerved him in a sense. It was much too monotone to be existing in their vibrantly wild and colourful dorm.
After painting for a few hours, Remus found himself falling in love with the manifest lunacy of art: it was undeniably beautiful. Beautiful. Remus had never been able to look at that word in the same way since his nighttime chat with Sirius. Deadly are the most beautiful of things, thought Remus while he allowed his paintbrush to slither down a curve. A moth was always drawn to the flame. One could never resist beauty, even if fully aware of its undoubted hell.
Perhaps it mirrors love?
Remus tried to shake the thought of that forbidden feeling from his head. Not love - it doesn't exist. The more he told himself not to think of it, the more it invaded his mind. If romantic love existed, then it was a truly complicated, ominous thing. Like a woman dancing with the shadows in a dim room, her dress flowing behind her in its blood-red intensity.
But love doesn't exist, and it never, never will.
Though, Remus admitted, how thrilling it would be if it did. It's ride or die and something about that fully gripped him. Was it the adventure, or the mutual trust? Or midnight talks where their thoughts spill from them like moonlight? Remus hadn't the slightest clue himself. Breathing hard out of his nose, Remus tried to discipline himself; he'd go mad if he kept thinking with no restrictions whatsoever.
Sirius found himself having Remus on his mind increasingly more through the days. The thoughts fervently kissed his cheeks before he made himself reluctantly welcome them in, but he confessed, they ended up being mostly entertaining. He was a strong advocate of love because he knew that this world so desperately craved it. The warm brushes of fingertips, the risks and the conversations. The world needed it to sweeten its bitter shell. He was aware that it was strange, the school's infamous whore having such potent views on something like this, but at least they didn't know the true depth of his want for it.
Imagine being needed.
"I really have no clue why you do this to yourself because you look ridiculous. Are you alright? Mentally stable?"
Sirius looked at James in the reflection of his mirror, making a face before going back to his makeup.
"Me too, James. I don't know why he's making himself look like a puppy," Peter confessed.
Sirius observed himself in the mirror. He had put his hair up in two bunches and then decided to use one of Lily's eyeshadow palettes she had left one night to give him a more realistic vibe.
He looked damn cute.
But really, when does he not?
"Is it like a new sort of kink?" Peter asked, rolling over until he was lying not in his stomach, but on his back, letting his eyes roll back a bit so he could watch his mate transforming himself in the mirror.
"This might shock you but not everything I do is for sex," Sirius said calmly enough, though anyone could catch the undertone of spite as he angrily painted his nose ebon.
An uncomfortable silence commenced.
"Sorry," Peter apologised awkwardly. James could sense the quickly thickening air and how much both parties resented it.
"Let's not deep it. Sirius knows that his spirit animal is a dog and he's just trying to accept and love it, you know?" James smoothly transitioned on to a different subject, leaning back as normally as possible to not show his relief. He'd never been that good at changing subjects, to be honest.
"Yeah, let's not forget yours is Prancer!" Sirius scoffed, jumping when he saw a long, extremely noticeable crack appear in an eyeshadow.
"Bitch, I'd be Rudolph," James claimed, snapping his fingers sassily.
Remus heard Frank laugh from behind his heavy curtains.
"What's making you sound like a dying whale?" Fabian asked curiously, looking up from his search for memes on his phone.
"My, I don't believe it. Frank Longbottom laughing. Praise the Lord,"
Remus noted monotonously as he spiritlessly flipped through the pages of a newspaper. He'd finished painting a few hours ago and had felt immensely relaxed and carefree for a few minutes, before he stubbed his toe against someone's stupid bed which resulted in a horrific pain in his foot. Life certainly wasn't the kindest to Remus Lupin and he doubted if it ever would be.
"Sorry, it's just Sirius' Snapchat story. He's done his makeup shittily to look like a dog and he's posing in the mirror like a model. Honestly, Rem, I have a gut feeling that the both of you would get along like a house on fire. You should talk more often," Frank recommended, shrugging. He'd heard the rumours that fly about Sirius and his antics, how he had a pretty face and a nice body but he never heard about Sirius' personality. It wasn't until they began to speak during football practice that Frank (along with Gideon and Fabian) uncovered that Sirius Black couldn't be any more fantastic.
"Yeah, maybe we should," Remus mumbled thoughtlessly.
yo, so i said this chapter would be out last night bUT BITCH, I LIED. i kinda struggled with this chapter ngl. i literally wrote all i wanted to in the first three hundred words hence the waffling after. thankfully, i know what i'm writing about for the next chapter and hopefully, that will stretch out to fulfil the length that i require for each chapter. also, i left my fucking fountain pen at school and i've left now so i can't get it back and i'm lowkey gonna start crying that's the only pen i could write with why did i forget it i'm an idiot i hate life honestly kill me now
see you next millennium
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wonderland • wolfstar
Fanfiction"i don't know, it's just that neverland and wonderland are so easily confused." remus had an obsession with writing plays. being able to see them spring to life with the assistance of hogwarts' talented drama attendants was all it took for him to sn...
