"May our castles never come crumbling down, despite our sweet sincerities threatening to destroy," Sirius said proudly though his voice crackled and fell at the edges. He looked deep in to Remus' eyes, holding him tightly from the lapel of his unbuttoned school blazer. Remus pushed Sirius away.
"I fear, Oliver, that our castles, the monuments of our memories, will collapse under our bitter world, and we can't do anything to stop it," Remus responded, rotating to face the empty scarlet seats of the theatre. He turned away and pulled a wooden chair out from beneath a table and sat down, sifting through the mounds of paper on it. Sirius, a look of pure sadness on his face, sat down on the chair opposite.
"We must fall when it's necessary. Pave the way for the next generation, if they truly exist," Remus muttered the last bit in an undertone, feeling truly and utterly disheartened. He looked up at Sirius, who was wide-eyed.
"So we flee from our problems instead of trying to solve them?" Sirius entreated.
"The both of us could fix this, I know we can." The earnestness in his voice sounded shockingly real and it sent chills up Remus' spine.
He leant forward and hooked a strand of hair behind Sirius' ear, letting his hand trail down the smooth skin of his jaw.
"We can't."
"This is shitty, why did I write this? What the fuck does that even mean? I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to even fucking look at that ridiculous shite anymore," Remus ranted, throwing the script on to the floor as he huffed hard from his nose.
Sucking a strawberry lollipop, Sirius leant against the wall far away from Remus.
"You're stressing too much, darlin'." Sirius crossed an arm over his chest as rested his other on top, still madly sucking on the glossy pink sweets he held the thin, white stick between his fingers.
Remus shot him a furious look.
"You've got to be one with the stage!" Sirius explained boldly, dramatically sashaying towards Remus as he held his arms out wide. Remus felt the corner of his lip upturn.
"And how do we that?"
The mischievous glint in his co-star's eye shone even brighter.
"How will this help, exactly?" asked Remus. He stared up at the ceiling of the theatre, at all the lights and cables. He wasn't entirely sure why, but Sirius had dropped down on to the stage floor and demanded that Remus do the same. So he listened and now here they were, laying like fools together on a historic stage, listening to each other's faint breathing.
"I don't know, but hey, lying down on the floor that I've had to fake sob on is oddly heartwarming," informed Sirius. He put his hands behind his head, relaxed, though he accidentally jabbed Remus on the side of his head.
"Oh, if your talking about The Time Primrose Called then your crying nearly made me cry. My first happy romance, that," Remus sighed reminiscently.
"You know - you know when we talked that night?" Sirius asked after a brief pause. Remus nodded slowly, though Sirius couldn't really see it: they had their legs pointing to opposite ends of the stage, meaning though their heads were in close proximity, it wasn't exactly comfortable to watch each other's every move.
"So... are you aromantic?" Sirius became quickly alarmed at his bluntness.
"Wait, no, I didn't mean to be so - I mean, like, aros exist and I-"
Sirius let out a helpless sigh. He noticed the rose-tinted lollipop in his hand and put it back in his mouth.
"You know, it can be dangerous if you lie down and suck a lollipop; you could choke."
"I'm used to it."
Biting back a laugh, Remus folded his arms, staring (entirely focused) upon the high ceiling.
"I'm not aromantic. Some part of me," Remus swallowed, "wants love. The ideology of it sounds absolutely enthralling, but love never ends well. It can't. It's too complex, too fragile. And I'm not a gentle person. So I avoid it," Remus explained while Sirius intently listened. He felt as though Remus was sitting out his mysteries right before his eyes as inside, it suddenly clicked. This was Remus Lupin, in his sheer vulnerability. He wasn't ruthless, judgemental or anything like that. He was a teenager who didn't know that the things he wanted were right before him. With only a few sentences, Sirius learnt so much about Remus through the tone of his voice, every time he paused, testing his boundaries.
As he spoke, Remus found himself becoming human. It was as if his defensive surface melted away and he showed himself. His mind. A huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders just through the power of a few sentences and he comfort of Sirius.
"Funny how there's only one word for love. There's no other word that amounts truly and properly to love. Love can only be described as love and really, you're not supposed to know everything about it. You're setting yourself up for failure that way. You explore and it must be really fun. There's someone out there fawning for you, Remus, and I can't blame them."
Remus sat up, propping himself on his hands behind as he dragged himself back a little, so that his thigh was level with Sirius' head.
"You're one of a kind, you are. Everyone - everyone always says these... things about you, and I've always just assumed that they'll always know you better than I will, so they probably know more."
"Sirius Black's alright in bed, but once you get to know him, he's so annoying. Marcel Naeem said that. He's honestly just a huge bitch and I don't understand why people think he's so amazing and all that. He's sexy and that's it. Marcus Brown."
Remus' head whipped round. He looked down at Sirius with a pained look shadowed in his eyes.
"You know all about the rumours, don't you?"
Sirius shrugged sadly.
"Doesn't bother me too much anymore, to be honest."
"I like you."
Sirius' eyes shot up to bore in to Remus': that had to be a lie.
"I think you're lovely. Better than most. You're not Sirius the Whore, or Sirius the Drama Nerd. You're just Sirius to me and I feel like I'm just Remus to you. I don't need to be anyone else. I'm me and you're you. There's something so satisfying in that," Remus whispered, looking down sheepishly at his lap. He wasn't used to being like this. To everyone else, he was witty, dry-humoured and sarcastic, and yes, most of the time he was, at that moment, when silver met amber, he felt sanity during a full moon.
Sirius lay awake that night, hands behind his head as he smiled absentmindedly in to the night. Knowing that to someone else, he was purely liked for being him.
"Sirius?" James called from his bed.
Sirius' train of thoughts stopped in its tracks.
"Do you - do you still have a crush on Remus?" James bit his lip hard, knowing that Sirius' reaction could be almost anything.
Smile turning sour, Sirius inhaled deeply through his nose.
"I thought we weren't supposed to talk about that again," Sirius grimaced.
"I know, I know it's just that - well, you see..." James couldn't string the words together.
"You two have been spending loads of time together. Besides, you can always spill the tea with us," Peter reassured and through Sirius' mildly disgruntled demeanour, a glowing beam shot through it at Peter's awkward use of slang.
"The both of you would be well cute together."
"Do you still like him?" Peter questioned.
"So what if I do?"
surprise? honestly, i hope it wasn't because then that means i laid out a good, believable story to lead up to this. i came back from someone's house and i watched the latest episode of ackley bridge there and i'm just about ready to drink washing up liquid. and the fact that the boy who watches it in my (ex) school FUCKING AIRED MY MESSAGE gets me really pissed bc bro, the episode killed me and you deserve to suffer through my all caps messages. aNyWaY, i'm going for a picnic tomorrow yey.
see you next millennium
YOU ARE READING
wonderland • wolfstar
Fanfiction"i don't know, it's just that neverland and wonderland are so easily confused." remus had an obsession with writing plays. being able to see them spring to life with the assistance of hogwarts' talented drama attendants was all it took for him to sn...
