Summary: Baekhyun's thinking about the final.
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Baekhyun can't stop thinking about how insecure he is. Even though he knows that Chanyeol would never do anything, it still makes Baekhyun feel so scared.
Chanyeol wasn't being distant— at least, not on purpose. He's working hard at his job so he can save enough money to put himself through a technical program and that's completely fine, but in between that and everything Baekhyun has going on in college, their planned schedule greatly underestimated everything.
Seasonal depression also sucks. And so does cuddle weather without a cuddle buddy. Southern California doesn't really get cold, but sometimes it's gloomy and chilly at night, which only makes Baekhyun even more sad that the only thing he has to hug is a body pillow.
He listens to Chanyeol's music box here and there, but it doesn't give him the same comfort that it used to. It makes him feel even more upset and alone... Plus, he can't play it when his roommate's in the dorm. They share the space and Jon already complained about how it's distracting whenever he tries to sleep or study, so... Baekhyun just keeps the box closed and hidden inside his closet.
There's a part of him that wishes he stayed in Korea, but... everyone was right. Studying there was a great opportunity and he's made a lot of friends. Jon even... expressed his growing feelings toward him, which makes their whole living situation a bit awkward but... they have clear boundaries.
Baekhyun's made it clear he has a boyfriend and that he still loves him (even though it's really friggin' hard keeping in touch).
Jon has essentially backed off, but it doesn't help that Baekhyun's Caltech friends keep telling him the same thing: forget Chanyeol.
He's in Korea. You're here.
He probably doesn't want to talk to you anymore.
He's obviously losing interest, Baekhyun.
It's not true. Baekhyun keeps repeating those three words to himself because if he doesn't, he'll probably break down.
Thinking about his insecurities makes him feel like absolute trash because... It just does.
There's no reason for him to feel like Chanyeol's slipping away. It wouldn't even be in his nature to do something that would hurt him— at least, that's what Baekhyun honestly believes.
Sure, Chanyeol was a gangster, but he was known for fighting people, not really playing around—Yet, he did have a lot of flings before him though...
Then again, old habits die hard and—
Frick.
Baekhyun puts down his pencil and covers his face with his hands.
It's already one in the morning, he has a final in 12 hours, and he can't stop friggin' thinking about Chanyeol and how sad he is and how upset it makes him to feel like Chanyeol doesn't care and pregnant Jinah and long distance relationships and loneliness and—
"Baek?"
Stifling his sobs, Baekhyun clenches his jaw and quickly wipes away his stress-induced tears. "Yes?"
"Are you okay?"
He can hear his roommate shuffling in his bed. Maybe he needs to be quieter...
"Yeah, I'm fine!"
Jon stays silent for a few moments before saying, "You know, this has been, like... the 100th time I've woken up to you crying."
"I'm sorry, Jon. I'll try to be quieter," Baekhyun says softly, sniffling as he tried to compose himself.
"You're clearly not happy... Not that you should care about what I have to say, but you really need to talk to him."
"Okay..."
He doesn't have to look back to know that Jon has turned in his bed and went back to sleeping...
Glancing over at the time on his laptop, Baekhyun figures that he just needs to sleep, too. It's not like he's getting any work done besides crying and thinking about his boyfriend who's texting his pregnant ex-girlfriend and barely taking the time to respond back by the end of the day and how Chanyeol doesn't seem attentive on their videos calls and how that might not even be Chanyeol's fault; maybe he's just an insecure, crazy boyfriend who's stressed about school and his relationship and how everything sucks and—
His phone buzzes on the table just as he shuts his laptop.
It's a text.
[ From: Yeollie <3 ] I don't know if you're still awake but I'm heading off to work. Good luck on your final. I know you're going to do well. Love you.
Baekhyun feels like crap. He's so grateful for the text because it seems like some kind of sign that he's just being overdramatic and unrealistic with his expectations but, at the same time... he wants more. The text isn't enough—it doesn't say enough. It feels incomplete like there should be more to it, but it's just 4 sentences and it ends there.
Conflicting emotions are honestly driving him crazy and... he hates it.
Baekhyun really... fucking hates it.
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A/n: rise and shine losers!
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