Wonderwall

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•Wonderwall•

"Sometimes death symbolizes transcendence. Not only an end, but a reborn." 

—

By the time you'll be reading this, I'll already be in another place. It is a decision I've took the moment I saw your fearful eyes staring right back at me.

I wasn't your father, I was your enemy. This is something I will never digest properly.

Grayson, you were truly my bestfriend when you were little. I had lots of love for you kid, maybe I did a bad job in showing it.

I wanted you to become like me so badly, it was toxic. I was obsessed with this idea that you should always take down my road. Living the same destructive lifestyle as me. It was selfish of me.

I am a sick person, I've always been. I've loved you wrongly to the point where I transformed all my negative energy to yours. I wanted us to be so close to the point we were identical.

It didn't make sense.

Your mother was a great women, total opposite of me. I didn't deserve her. I scarred her and you.

I never really realized it until I came back into your lives. Seeing the damage I left behind, the broken family I've build. I have failed as a person and as a father.

I don't think I was ever meant to live a good life in this world. My actions had turned back to bite me and my soul is going to pay for it.

There's nothing left for me in this universe. Emptiness over floods me right in this extinct. It's pretty shitty, right?

You're a handsome young man, I never really got to tell you that. You're smart, you're strong and most importantly more gifted than everything.

I just saw your studio, pretty mind blowing. Your work will get you places one day.

This isn't a pity call. This is words I need you to know.

Go out there, explore the world. You're too young to be this broken. I want you to wake up everyday and try. Transform this negative energy I've given you into something good, something creative.

Keep your girlfriend under your hold. She's the one. Learn to love her, even though it may be hard for you. But this is me, your father, someone you once looked up to, telling you to love, to express feeling and to feel.

I want you to feel. Connect your emotions to your actions, this will do wonders in helping you communicate better verbally and emotionally.

This is a tip I didn't dare tell you about. I always thought raising my kids to be numb would save them from this hell of a world.

You're capable of love kid. Don't let them tell you otherwise. You've beaten me, you've won. My demons and yours are no longer here.

I shouldn't make this long, I know nothing will make up for all of these years. But here's a small gift.

I've sent some sample of your artwork over Tiffany's gallery in California, they loved your work and are ready to offer you your own space over theirs for displays and art shows.

You should be expecting an acceptance mail from them. Go kick off your career, consider this from me to you. You'll do wonders.

Start a new life and take time to heal.