Wonderwall

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•Wonderwall•

"Hurts me the most when i wake
i fumble and twist, 'til the truth
starts to click
there's so much space in this bed"
-if you let me; sinead harnett

—
 
R o s e

You know when you finally give in to someone. You give them your all, you wear your heart on your sleeve and risk your emotions— your feelings as you trust them not to hurt you. But really, you know damn well they will.

It was a non ending cycle of disappointment. Grayson Dolan, the most gorgeous complicated human to ever be out there. He hypnotize you, he traps you under his touch and what does he do after that?

He leaves

And that's how he left; he left his spot on the other side of the bed messily and unmade, he left his scent that was still wandering around in the sheets, he left as his touch still tingled

That's how he wanted to leave: like he never really left.

It never really hit me until i was more conscious—more awake. Until I realized that last night's events did actually occur and there i was lying naked in the cold empty sheets.

I trembled still adjusting to the news, i felt tears already swelling up in my eyes as I've never felt anymore used.

He used me

They were tears of disappointment, at myself for the fact that i was dumb enough to think last night's event would've at least meant something to him.

I started sobbing silently as I sat on my bed pulling the sheets repeatedly over my bare figure feeling nothing but disgust.

And it never really set me off until I remembered that I was also sexually harassed followed by being also, sexually used.

I felt like an object, filth overwhelming my body. Never in my life have i ever done something like this.Yes, sleeping with a guy who I absolutely had no sort of serious connection with.

A guy who's always shut himself when it came to me.

But as soon as he walked into the front door, I've unconsciously let my guards down, giving him permission to do anything he pleased and wanted.

And I've let him do that, knowing very well that we were nothing.

We were just two people running away from each other, ignoring their likings for one another but seemingly they couldn't get away from one another.

After last night he showed me how i've grown to like him, how i'm more attached now than ever after I felt the indescribable connection and sensation that ignited in-between us.

The physical connection, the chemistry and the passion. I knew he felt that, like I did. I knew it when I saw the way he stared at me with those hazel green orbs of his, and I knew it more when he touched me ever so sensationally.

I shook my head wanting to get rid of my thoughts that played too loud in my head as silent tears streamed down my face.

I woke up to nothing but an apology note. No explanation, just a simple two words.