Personal Body Guard - (Shawn Mendes)

98

"I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall"

-

*Emily's Point Of View*

I sighed pulling the covers closer to my chest and further up towards my chin.

Thoughts ran wild through my head as I replayed the events that took place as soon as Shawn and I entered the apartment.

Why did I push him away?

He pushed the door open, his foot holding it open as he pushed my wheelchair through the front door, letting me sit there while he shut and lock the door behind him.

"Can we talk about it?" He asked hesitantly, bending down to my level to make eye contact.

I shun away from his eyes, my vision suddenly becoming more interested in the old nail polish chipping away on my fingernails.

"Babe" he whispered tilting my chin up to look at him. "Are you okay?" He followed up placing his hand on my thigh softly, his thumb sticking out to caress it.

I nod my head, still not saying a word.

"C'mon em... talk to me" he said softly.

I shook my head no feeling like I could fall into a fit of sobs like I did earlier any second. I hated even thinking about what I'd been through since Shawn left, let alone talking about it.

"Emily I can't help you if you don't talk to me" he whispered, his hand rising higher up my thigh.

"I don't need help. I just REALLY don't want to talk about this right now Shawn" I said pushing myself away from him and beginning to push my wheels down the hallway

"You can't keep pushing me away Emily" he said loudly.

"I just need some space. Okay" I said pushing my door open and shutting it behind me.

I let out a sigh, pushing myself towards my bed, furrowing my eyes to see Shawn's letter laying on top of my unmade covers.

I must've left it there.

I placed it on my side table before lifting my body up, standing slightly before sitting down on the bed.

I pulled the covers over me as I snuggled back into my own bed.

Now here I was; hours later. Completely sleep deprived and dreading tomorrow when I'd have to see Shawn.

Soon after I'd gone to my room, he'd flicked all the lights off and headed to his room as the sound of his guitar and unknown words comforted me.

I wished I was laying beside him as he sung me to sleep. I wished I could get into his bed with him but deep down I was scared. No. Freaking out.

I knew I could trust Shawn. But I was just scared he would pressure me into something I wasn't ready to do because of how long we hadn't seen each other.

I loved him and missed him and his touch so much but I knew I mentally wouldn't be able to stop the thoughts of the last time I'd been touched like that.

You loved it when I touched you.

I squeezed my eyes shut as the sound of Jakes voice flooded through my head. This had happened a lot ever since I got out of that place.

"No I didn't" I hissed out.

You loved the feeling of me inside of you.

"Leave me alone, please" I whispered out loud beginning to tug on the roots of my hair.