The God of Mischief | Loki fan-fiction

Steady as she goes.

For the next few days I refused to leave my bed. I would curl myself up in a tight, small ball. I just could not help the feeling that I has some part to blame in the events. I kept on running the images threw my head, trying to make sense of what Loki was thinking. The green silk sheets that I had entangled myself in smelt like him, which did not make things any easier. Every time I thought of him I wanted to cry out but my memories where always clouded by his last few actions. He was a good man, my husband and best friend. The Jadeite stone he had given me only days ago remained in my hands, my fingers tightly wrapped around the green pendant. Thor would come in every other day, try and convince me to get out of bed. I would talk to him and he would fill me in on what was happening in Azgard. Today is the memorial service for Loki. Odin had decided it would be best if the general public did not know of Loki's plans, only that there had been an accident by the Bi-frost and Loki was killed. Of course there were rumours about him going mad and evil but they went no where. I thought seriously about whether I should attend or not. People would be coming up to me and sympathising but I would have to keep it together and I could not do that. On the other hand it would be weird if I did not go, the rumours would really be confirmed. I decided I would have to swallow my own feelings and pride and go. Taking a deep breath I threw the covers off of my body for the first time in ages. The fresh air from the open balcony trickled over my flesh making me shiver. Swinging my legs out to the side I placed them slowly on the cold marble floor. I wiggled my toes as the cold sensation shot up my legs once again sending life into them. I had to steady myself as I stood up. I had not eaten in days and my body was weak. I was like a new born learning to walk, I was wobbling all over the room and I got dizzy fast. I finally got to the bathroom and leant over the basin. Looking up I was horrified at what I saw in the mirror. It was like I was an entirely different person, I was shocked at what I had become and I nearly did not recognise myself. I had lost a lot of weight, my face was so gaunt and pale. My body looked weak and feeble. My eyes were so heavy and full of sleep and my hair was so greasy and flat. I was disgraced at what I had put myself threw. Pulling myself from the mirror I plunged into a hot soothing bath. Seeing myself just made me more scared about being seen at Loki's memorial. I would just have to slap on a lot of makeup and wash my hair. Holding my breath I sunk beneath the water. The water rushed into my ears blocking any sound from the outside and I could feel my hair floating graciously around my neck. It was like a different life under water, no worries or cares. Eventually I ran out of breath and I snapped upright, bringing my head up and the water pouring down my body. When I felt ready I got out and got changed. I thought black was very appropriate. I added some colour to my white pale face and drew lots of black around my eyes. After putting my hair into a side plat I stumbled out of the door. Before I did I caught sight of my form in the mirror. I still looked ill and terrible but I was ten times as better than an hour ago. As I reached the door to the great hall where the memorial was to take place a sudden fit of dizziness over came me. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and steadied myself against the wall.

"Liara!" A shocked voice called out from behind me. Slowly opening my eyes I could see Thor. "You should not be here, honestly you do not look well." He held me up by my arms.

"No I must do this, if I am not there, there will be rumours." I replied shaking my head.

"You can not even stand up properly." Thor exclaimed looking me up and down.

"Thor please, I will sit down if it makes you feel better. Just let me do this." Thor gave me an intense stare before giving a single nod.

"It wont be easy." He said solemnly.  

"I know." I replied my voice croaking slightly. We shared a brief smile before more footsteps echoed the halls. Behind Thor I could see Frigga and Odin approaching. Frigga started to run towards me with open arms. She pounced on me and I nearly lost my footing. I would have fallen over if Thor was not there to support me.

"My dear how wonderful it is to see you up and about." She beamed. Even though she put on a brave face the sadness in her eyes was clear.

"Are you sure you are fit enough to be up?" Odin questioned me.

"No I am not, but I can do this." I replied honestly. Odin raised his arm towards the door, indicating that we should go in. As we entered my breath was taken away. The sheer amount of people who had turned up was amazing. The whole kingdom must have been there, thousands. Odin stood up and began to speak.

"Loki, my son..." His voice seemed to drift off. Even though Loki was not his son the feelings he had for him was genuine. Odin continued to speak but my eyes were more drawn to the marble stand in front of me. His horned shaped helmet was resting on top of the plinth. A sudden shiver tingled over my skin, setting all hairs on edge. I could almost feel his presence, his sense of being. My hands went all cold and clammy. Looking up I could see that Odin had stopped talking and was now seated next to his wife. People started to come up to us and give there condolences. They filed into a line and came up to us one by one. Odin, Frigga and Thor all rose to receive the sympathising public but I remained seated, I did not expect my legs would hold me for long. Many people just gave a half hearted smile and nodded or touched me gently on the arm.

"May God keep you." An old lady said to me whilst holding my hand. I placed my other hand on top of hers and looked into her old, wise, caring eyes.

"Thank you." I smiled. She then left in my hand a golden silk ribbon as a symbol of hope. The next person boar an familiar face.

"Oh Lex." I whispered as my younger brother threw himself on me.

"I'm sorry." He said to me. For once he was quite mature for his age.

"There is nothing for you to be sorry about." I brushed the side of his cheek and he flashed me a smile. He stood back and my mother and father stood there. They were the last people I wanted to see.

"We are so, so sorry dear." My mother said. I looked at them.

"For what? Loki, the way you talked about him or you trying to make me leave him?" I asked. They both looked to the floor.

"Liara we were just trying to protect you." Father told me.

"Look I do not want to argue with you, not here and now." I whispered. My breath was getting short and my chest seemed to shrink. They nodded and Lex and mother went on. Father stood there for a solemn moment and then went to join the others. My stomach started to churn and I now knew what My body was trying to tell me.

"Excuse me." I breathed with my hand pressed against my mouth. I pushed myself up and ran quickly out of the room, leaving people behind me to wonder what was going on. As I turned the corner I could no longer hold it in. I grabbed the nearest pot and threw up into it. After wiping my mouth with the back of my hand my mouth had a horrid taste.

"Liara?" A female voice called from behind me. I slowly turned to see Lady Sif and Fandral.

"Are you alright?" Fandral asked looking at the pot behind me.

"Yes of course, just needed some air." I lied trying to stand in front of the pot.

"Liara do not lie to us. You look terrible and you have not eaten in days!" Sif said sternly.

"Je thanks." I laughed.

"Liara let me take you back to your room." Fandral out stretched his arm to me. I looked at it and then reluctantly took it. "All you need is some rest."