Reality || L.H.

Chapter 15

As soon as the Calum walks through the door I fling myself into his arms, sobbing into his chest. He puts his arms around me, rubbing my back soothingly as he leads me over to the couch. "It's gonna be ok," he murmurs as he sits me down. "You're gonna be ok."

"Why does this always happen to me?" I cry, my voice muffled by his shoulder.

Cal strokes my hair gently. "I don't know," he whispers.

I wish for the hundredth time that I had fallen for Calum. With him, everything would have been so much easier. But of course I always fell for the ones that broke my heart.

***

Luke's POV

It's late when I stumble out of the bar I forced Ashton to go with me to. My head is spinning with alcohol and the realization of what I just did.

I crumple to the ground just outside of the bar's entrance, vomiting into the potted plant the store next door placed out for decoration. I don't want to think about what Kat's doing right now. She probably hates me, and for good reason. But I knew what I was doing when I told Ashton to get his camera ready and strode over to the girl who had been staring at me for quite some time now. If Kat would never choose me even if she loved me, then it was better for her to hate me and reject me. Even though I'm still in love with her, will always be in love with her. For me, there is no one else. There will never be someone else.

"Luke-" Ashton starts hesitantly. He was never a fan of my plan, but he didn't have to be. He owed me a favor and he was just canceling out his debt.

"Don't," I warn, holding up a hand to cut him off. "I know what you think of me, what everyone thinks of me. Do you think I don't? I'll never be enough, not for my mother, not for Kat, not for anyone. The sooner they realize that the better."

I lurches to my feet and continues down the street. Of course I'd probably had a few more drinks than I should have considering I'm still recovering from an alcohol overdose. But I don't care. I need something to dull the pain, to fill the empty void where Kat used to be. Alcohol is the only thing that I can turn to.

Everyone expects too much of me. It's time they realized that I can't give them what they want.
Ashton follows me for a few blocks before giving up and heading home.

I don't blame him for wanting to leave me. I honestly expected him to give up a long time ago.

I stumble back to the apartment I once shared with Kat, cursing myself over and over again. I try to be good, I really do. But sometimes I just... can't.

My hand still throbs from when I punched the wall, tender even after I got a brace to let the fractured bones in my hand heal. I yank open the freezer door savagely and holds an ice pack on my injured hand, hissing in pain.

Once upon a time, my mother would have fussed over me, asking me how I hurt myself and why. Once upon a time, Kat would have flipped out about the brace and ordered me to take it easy until it was healed. But now... it's just me and my shadow and all of my regrets.