Reality || L.H.

Chapter 20

"I've called together this council because we have a minor crisis on our hands." April bangs an ice cream scooper against the counter like she's a judge calling together a courthouse. "Today's order of business, Kat's messed up love life."

I roll my eyes, blushing slightly. It's our lunch break and April insisted that she had something important she wanted to talk about. I didn't know this was going to be another episode of whatever reality tv show we're the stars of.

"First you were dating Blake, but then he cheated on you with your best friend, right?" Liv says slowly, trying to piece together the story I just told them. "And then you didn't date anyone for a long time, but then you and Luke were a thing for a few months. What happened there? You seemed like you were serious. Everything was perfect."

I swallow hard as I lean back against the counter. "Luke's always too hard on himself. I guess he thought that I'd never stay with him when Blake was trying to win me back, so he decided he'd just get it over with and broke up with me. The only thing that happened was Blake showed back up."

"And you're not mad at him?" Cassidy interjects. "For cheating on you, for messing up your relationship with someone else?"

I frown. "Yes. No. Maybe. Sort of. Look, I don't know! I have no idea what I'm going to do, or even what I'm doing right now. The only thing I can tell you is that I miss the way things were."

"With Blake or with Luke?" April presses.

"I don't know!" I practically yell. I throw my hands into the air, stalking out the door to take my lunch break somewhere else. I can't do this right now. I can't pretend that I'm ok when I know I'm not.

I walk down past the pier to the beach, kicking off my shoes and holding them in my hand as I walk on the sand. I remember coming here with my parents growing up. I remember chasing Mali and Calum down these dunes when we were younger.

I sit beneath the pier, wrapping my arms around my legs. The wind blows through my hair and I smell sea salt. It reminds me of Luke, how he always smelled like the beach. I cry quietly into my knees as I bury my face, wishing that things were different.

I glance up when I hear footsteps, wiping the tears off my cheeks. I blink, thinking I'm dreaming. But I'm not.

Luke leans against the wooden stilt holding up the pier that's the farthest away from me. His usual ripped black jeans are rolled up and slightly sandy, his Green Day shirt wet from the splash of the waves.

"What are you doing here?" I breathe, not wanting to move, hoping that he won't leave.

He shrugs, looking out over the ocean. "I could ask you the same thing. Aren't you supposed to be at work?" His voice is cool and distant, as if we were just friends of a friend instead of ex lovers, as if just three weeks ago we didn't spend hours in each other's arms.

I swallow hard as I sniff, trying to pretend like I wasn't crying all by myself on the beach. "It's our lunch break," I mumble. I can't act like nothing ever happened between us. All I want is to throw myself into his arms and have him make everything ok again.

Luke's trying to play it cool and pretend like he doesn't care, but I can see the worry shining in his blue eyes that match the color of the ocean. "What happened? I assume there's a reason you're crying on the beach. Usually people are happy when they're at the beach."

That's when I lose it. "I haven't been happy in a long time, not that you care," I snap, angrily wiping the tears from my eyes. "Why don't you just fuck off if you're here to rub it in."

He flinches slightly, storming across the beach to get all up in my face. "I care more than you think," he says in a low, dangerous voice. I can't breathe. I haven't been this close to him in weeks and I want so badly to wrap my arms around him and hold him close.

Luke's eyes flicker all over my face before he slowly backs up and starts walking away. Suddenly angry, I throw a handful of sand in his direction. "Fine, run away to whatever girl you're going to hook up with tonight! See what I care!" I can't get through the last part without crying, tears streaming down my face as the picture of Luke kissing that random girl flashing in front of my eyes.

He stops walking, frozen in place. Luke stalks back over to me and I look up in surprise. His hand tilts my face up and he kisses me so forcefully that I can practically feel the bruises forming on my lips. My hands tangled in his hair as I kiss him back, pulling him down to me. His legs are either side of my hips as he presses closer to me. I dig my nails sharply into his back as I kiss him like I need it to live. In a way, I do. Luke makes a low sound in the back of his throat as he slips his tongue into my mouth, his mouth urgent against mine.

As quickly as he leaned in, Luke pulls away.

His hair's messed up from my fingers and he smoothes it back into place as he fumbles for words. "I shouldn't have done that," he murmurs as he starts to back away.

"Luke!" I call after him, getting to my feet.

He quickens his pace to get away faster and I sink to my knees on the sand, picking up the nearest seashell and throwing it as far as I can in frustration. My head is so confused, desperately trying to sort out which boy my heart belongs to; Luke or Blake?

Which one can't I live without?