Poems (collection 1.0)

I Regret You

You are the thing that I regret
When I lay awake at night
It's been so long since it happened
But I still can't seem to make it right
I held your heart in my hands
And I knew that it was precious
But I still broke it apart
Because I loved it too less
And I said the words I didn't mean
Too much without thinking
And I continued to let you in
And I just kept on sinking
I wasn't in the right place
To love anyone, let alone you
So why did I keep pretending?
(Yeah trust me, I wonder too)
You are someone I could never love
At least not in that way
But I was exactly what you wanted
Because I thought it was a play
You gave me my script
And I read it line for line
Without you ever knowing
Oblivious the entire time
It was all just a show
Up until the final act
And I'm sorry I pretended
That every bit of it was fact
I was wrong and I know it
But I'm not sure if I did then
I don't think it was on purpose
But I know I won't do it again
I know how I feel now
And I'm in a much better place
And I catch a glimpse of your life
And I see a smile on your face
So maybe you're okay now too
And I didn't hurt you irrevocably
Because now you love someone else
(At least that's how it seems)
I'm sorry I led you on
But I want to let it be known
I was leading myself on too
But since then I have grown
I have allowed myself to be free
So I can love others with my whole heart
And I've learned how to do it right
In the time we've been apart
All this to say I'm sorry
I hurt you more than once
On purpose and accidentally
Just because I'm such a dunce
I do things without thinking
About all of the consequences
And I messed up so bad
Someone else had to clean up my messes
But don't think I'm the only one
Who should get the blame
Because I was not the only one
Bending the rules of the game
I'm not here to accuse you
But don't go accusing me
Let's just continue on as strangers
As uncomplicated as can be
I regret how I hurt you
But I know it had to happen
Because if not you then someone else
Would be affected by who I've been
And since we've parted ways
And haven't spoken since
I hope you can forgive me
Even if you're not convinced
And maybe we can put all of this
Behind us and forget
So I'm not burdened by it
And no longer have to fret
These lonely nights get long
When I have you to think about
Because we left it so undisclosed
Which I could go without
But it's the open-ended-ness of it
That allowed me room to grow
And I'm pretty sure you did too
But what the hell do I know
So finally in conclusion
I'm sorry but I'm not
I just wanted to write this down
Quickly before I forgot
And so my point has been muddled
Along all of these many lines
But this is enough for me
I will be right with time