Poems (collection 1.0)

Belief

How can I believe something so completely
Even when I'm not sure if I believe it at all?
It is like two halves warring within me
I think and I shrink, I trip and I slip and I fall
It is a habit
And it's bad
I can't forget
What I had
But I am looking for the future
And I am afraid of the shadow of my past
Why do we have to fight what we were?
Why can't all the goods things last?
I hate this world I'm living in
But I love it at the same time
I'm fighting a battle I'll never win
And I'm surely losing my mind
Insanity is closing in like a storm
I'm never sure which thoughts are mine
Everything is ice and I'm never warm
But when they ask I just say that I'm fine

Why is everything that I do, wrong?
I have no one in whom I can confide
My only friends are poems and songs
And why is it bad when they don't rhyme?
So many questions, not enough answers
That's why I am always so confused
I have to write it all down in verse
To make my mind feel less abused
Where can I run to?
Where can I hide?
What can I do?
I swear that I've tried
I've tried to do right
I've tried to do good
I've tried to win the fight
I've tried to do as I should
What more do you want?
What more can I do?
I am becoming so gaunt
I am starving for you
I am all alone up in space
But I do not shine like a star
And though you may see my face
We are so many miles apart
And I feel as though I have died
Even as I continue to live
It's getting harder for me to hide
I'm running out of strength to give
You take and you take and you take
But why is it not enough to say I'm trying?
It is not so easy for me to always fake
But it's funny how you never know when I'm lying
I break and I break and I break
I'm not sure how long I can keep trying
Every second I wish that I were not awake
Because every second I feel like I'm dying
Your wish is my command maybe
But your command is not my wish
You judge how well I can climb a tree
But you are a monkey and I am a fish
Stop giving me impossible tasks
And expecting me to carry them out
I cannot do everything that you ask
I can't be perfect, without a doubt
Who you are is not who I am
Though there are some things we share
You are a wolf where I am a lamb
I'm just mindless flesh for all you care
I wonder if you'll ever understand
There's only so much if this I can bear
I refuse to walk with you hand in hand
To walk my own way I will dare
I am my own person, my very own me
I come with cracks and dents and flaws
I do not have a perfect personality
I have sharp fangs and dangerous claws
But you keep me caged; in a box
You don't want me to fly freely
You hate how I am so unorthodox
You could never love the real me
You are relentlessly pushing me
You try to conform; you oppress
You won't let me be what I need to be
You cannot accept that I am a mess
You shove your beliefs down my throat
All your lies and your bullshit
You want to win so you can gloat
And you get mad when I don't believe it
Just leave me alone
Please, I'm begging you
My mind is my own
There's nothing you can do

I gave up on you long ago
I know it's pointless to fight
I threw my hope out the window
We won't ever make things right
You go your way and I'll go mine
I know it's not okay with you
But you'll have to realize over time
I'll never be what you want me to
I honestly don't care what you think
I'll let you know I have my opinion too
I don't care what you say; you're no shrink
You don't know what I've been through
So give it up already
It's seriously no use
I don't want your "remedy"
I don't need your abuse

That is it
I am through
This is shit
And so are you.