Seventeen is the age that decides who every young soul is destined to be with forever. Dating back to Neanderthals, humans have always felt this natural pull to the other half of their soul. Made to make sure that the human population is reproducing...
This might be complete and utter crap, but at least I wrote something. As mentioned to my followers, double updates are definitely going to start the moment that field hockey season is over, at the end of this year.
I've been obsessed with Buzzcut Season by Lorde lately, and I think it really fits with this chapter if you want to listen while hearing this one. Let me know what you think of both the song and the chapter! x
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S o p h i e F o s t e r
If I wasn't nervous leaving to get my leukemia testing results back, I was nervous walking into the office with my parents. It was only ten minutes in the waiting room waiting to be called, but it was tortuously slow and suspenseful.
Anticipation was welling up inside me. I was allowing myself to hope, just this once. I wanted this so badly. I wanted it just to have been a freak accident or something minor.
Once we're put in a room – my parents and I – we only have to wait for five minutes before Doctor Elwin comes in, marching in with a rather cheerful smile. He greets me with a hug. "Sophie!"
"Oh, hi!" I say, awkwardly embracing him. I wasn't expecting a hug.
The room's floor is covered in white tiles. It's a small room, with a bench against the wall. Toys and magazines are underneath the tan bench. In the corner there's a sink and a few cabinets, along with a small countertop. The examination table is where I hop up, my feet dangling over the edge. Every noise is a crackle on the loose paper I sit on, and I'm terribly self-conscious of every movement I make.
"Okay, down to business," he started, tapping his clipboard. "So, your test results came back in."
"Right."
The Doctor looked up, straight into my eyes as he held me gaze the entire time he talked. Even though my parents were in the room, it was clear that he wanted me to hear this the most. "I'm so sorry, Sophie. Your results came back positive for leukemia. That's the bad news, the good news is that you'll be seeing me more often!" He tries for a winning smile that falters halfway through, proceeding to talk about what type of leukemia I have, and what it means for me.
Everything he's saying me frightens me, and I end up tuning out as I get lost in my thoughts. I'm suddenly glad that my parents are beside me, listening, as I fiddle with my hands in my lap and tear out an eyelash or two.
It was naïve of me to hope. I shouldn't have. I know better than to hope, but I still do it every time. I curse myself for it afterwards, always having disillusioned myself into thinking that things were meant to get better.
I am disappointed. With myself? A bit. But more so with the results. I haven't done anything bad in my life to deserve this. I don't understand.
Part of me had already accepted it before I'd even walked into this small room. The moment Doctor Elwin had informed me of what was likely to come, I'd already reacted to the news.
I wasn't crying about it anymore. That wouldn't help anything. All I could do was suck it up and go with whatever came at me.
When the doctor starts talking about treatment, I tune in again. He starts talking about the different types of treatment (apparently there are three) and why he chose chemotherapy.
"With chemotherapy, you might have to miss some school because you don't feel as great. There are cycles, which will be done for weeks at a time. I'll be giving you little pills, and you'll just have to take some each day. I think that we can hopefully knock leukemia out as fast as we can."
I press my lips into a line and nod, my gaze downcast.
I glance towards my parents. Edaline looks rather lost in her own head, frowning and biting her lip softly as she zones out. Grady looks angry, his gaze fixed firmly on the doctor as though he can revoke this and tell us it was all a stupid joke.
I wonder what I look like at the moment. Scared or worried? Lost or confused? Angry or bitter?
This is just another thing I have to do, I think in my head as I repeat it silently to myself. That's all it is. It's not life threatening nor harmful.
But deep down, I know I'm lying to myself. And at this point, it's my coping mechanism. This is going to change my life forever. Mine, and the people around me's lives. I'm scared of that change.
